I've Got Time
by TrueGirl3
Summary: This AU starts out with Tara visiting Jax in prison for the first time, set between season 3 and 4. But things are rocky for this couple...Tara and Jax took a break before he went in, Tara not getting past all the crap she went through in season three.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone, so I got this idea when I was re-watching some of my fav SOA episodes and began to write. I am not sure if going back so far in the series appeals to anybody, but I thought I would throw it out there and see if you all liked it.**

**I could be persuaded to continue if I get enough interest. If not, it's a one shot about Tara's first visit to Jax in prison between season 3 and 4. Also...they did not reunite after the whole Salazar/Ireland/FTA clusterfuck that went on at the end of season three. I explain what went down instead...so let me know what you think and enjoy!**

**Please review or PM to let me know your thoughts and whether or not I should continue?**

I've Got Time

Tara

Tara shook as she walked into the prison. She had never been in a place like this before. It smelled...sterile, but also stale and like everybody was stressed. Unhappiness. She walked across to the desk where visitors checked in.

_Why was she here?_ she wondered as she grabbed her ID.

Tara cleared her throat as the officer looked her over appreciatively and asked, "Who you here to see, sweetheart?"

She fought the urge to snap at him and said, "My name is Dr. Tara Knowles. I am here to see Jackson Teller. I...I should be on his list."

The guard raised an eyebrow at the name she gave and then nodded. After what seemed like forever, they got through all the paperwork and checks on her ID.

"Dr. Knowles, Officer Chalen will now lead you to a room where you will be searched for sharps, electronics, anything on the restricted list," he informed her.

"Is Officer Chalen a woman?" she asked, swallowing nervously.

He smirked and nodded, "Sure thing."

Tara grimaced and walked to the waiting area for Officer Chalen. Tara chewed her lip nervously, so anxious she thought she was going to puke. Anxious about being patted down by another person, anxious to be led deeper into this nightmare place. She was terrified to see Jax, especially in here.

"Dr. Tara Knowles?" a woman called. Tara looked up and followed the woman into a waiting area that was completely blocked off from view.

After fifteen minutes of having her shit sorted through, metal scans, and pat downs, Tara followed the woman out of the little area and waited with people she assumed were also here to visit family and friends.

_Why did Jax ask her to come? _she wondered.

After she had been released from Salazar and rescued, Jax had been insistent she see the doctor to make sure everything was okay. She was still in shock, too overwhelmed to argue. The relief she had felt after surviving Salazar's last ditch effort wasn't what she expected. She had fully expected to die, but she fought, because of the little one growing inside of her.

Then she had been taken to see Abel, who was like a soothing balm. His little chubby cheeks, his blond hair, his wide, blue eyes erased the past few days. All she felt was relief as his weight in her arms reassured her.

The next day, she had woken up to Jax beside her, jerking awake as if he was having a nightmare. She wouldn't blame him if he was. His son and his old lady had gotten kidnapped in the course of a couple of weeks.

Tara jerked awake too, fully expecting to still be tied to Margaret in the attic or bound and gagged in the trunk of Salazar's car with dead bodies.

It had her shaking. Jax looked to her for something...she didn't know.

"Hey," he whispered, "I love you."

She looked down at his chest and ran her fingertips along his chest, her trembling stopping as his words sunk in. He loved her….for some reason those words didn't inspire the firework of feelings inside of her they used to.

"I love you too, but...I don't think I can do this anymore," she whispered uncertainly, as if she couldn't believe the words coming out of her own mouth. Never, in her life, would she thought herself capable of saying those words to Jax Teller. He was her everything.

Jax looked at her like she was crazy and in that moment Tara needed to get the hell out of there. She had been held at gunpoint as a crazy man took Abel from her, she had been cheated on, broken up with, kidnapped, ransomed, kicked in the stomach while pregnant...her threshold for bullshit had reached its limit. Tara needed some time to process.

Tara slipped her clothes back on as she searched for her shoes. She found one sneaker and then eventually the other, when Jax seemed to snap out of his shock.

"Tara, what are you talking about?" he asked, sitting up in bed, watching as she tied her shoes.

"I am talking about this. I think we need a break," she said, standing and looking for her purse.

"A break?" he asked.

"Yeah," Tara replied, "It's just been so much. I never expected it to get so..._bad_. All at once too. I am gonna go home and figure some shit out."

"You live here," Jax pointed out, as if he was witnessing the ramblings of a mad woman. Maybe he was, but in this moment, Tara felt like her head was clear for the first time.

"I mean my dad's old place," Tara explained, finding her purse and extracting the keys. She still had a few changes of clothes at her old man's for situations like this. She could come back when she was sure Jax wouldn't be here if she needed more.

"Babe, what's going on?" he asked, slipping between the covers and walking towards her, completely naked. Tara cleared her throat, trying not to get distracted by him...and his...oh sweet God, it was morning and he...Tara quickly averted her gaze.

"I just need some time. To think all this shit through," she whispered, begging him to understand.

He looked down at her and nodded, his eyebrows still furrowed in confusion.

"Okay, well you know where to find me," he whispered seductively. Tara nodded and turned to leave, but Jax grabbed her hand and hauled her against him, cupping the back of her neck and kissing her with everything he had. She shivered against him, causing him to moan. It almost broke her resolve to put space between them, but she felt the tightness in her chest become almost unbearable. She needed this.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed lightly, and while he was disappointed she was leaving, he let her go.

She walked towards Abel's bedroom. Tara had missed him terribly. She never knew the depth of her feeling for the child until she watched him being taken away from her. Abel was her son. Nobody else could claim that title.

Tara kissed his chubby little cheek and then left, biting her lip. Jax was in the hallway, watching her, now with a pair of boxers on. She gave him a small little smile before walking down the hallway to the front door.

As she started the cutlass, she looked to the doorway where Jax was, leaning against the doorframe. He held his hand up in a little wave as she backed out of the driveway. She could tell he was still wondering what was going on with her, but he didn't push it. Probably because he had so much more shit on his plate to worry about.

That had been two months ago, just before he was arrested and taken to prison.

Now here she was, waiting as a guard unlocked a gate to a large room with inmates. She shivered as she stepped in, hating the clank of the gate behind her. Being pregnant, Tara hated being here. And she was scared. What if something happened?

Tara scanned the crowd of inmates, looking for the one that belonged to her.

She spotted him, but only after a double take. His hair...it was short. The shortest it had ever been. Tara was surprised by how much she liked it.

Jax glanced up and his whole face beamed as he stood and smiled that smile for her. It was now Tara knew...he hadn't expected her to actually show up. Her heart expanded to see him excited, even if it was just because he was in this place. Hell, he probably was just happy to see someone with boobs. Could be anyone. An image of Ima flashed in her mind, but she pushed it away.

She was past that. Tara had made some tough decisions in her life. And she going to try and move forward. But...it wasn't going to be with Jax. She planned on staying in Charming, so Thomas knew his father, and Abel his brother, but romantically...it just wouldn't work. She couldn't trust him.

Her heart couldn't take one more betrayal or infidelity.

Tara swallowed and walked towards him. He reached for her and hugged her. Tara closed her eyes as she inhaled. He smelled different. Not his usual soap. Like this place, but even this place couldn't change the smell he produced.._.human chemistry was just weird_, she thought to herself as he pulled away.

He smiled down at her and Tara glanced between him and the guards nervously, as if they would take her away from him.

"I am so happy to see you," he said softly. Tara managed a small smile and looked down at her hands. They were shaking. She tried to control her spasms, but she couldn't.

Not until Jax reached out and grabbed her hands in his and squeezed them. Her eyes flew to his as he looked her over, "You look beautiful. Glowing. Pregnancy agrees with you."

Tara smiled and said, "Everything is going good in that department. Oh wait! I brought you something," she said, pulling her hands from his and reaching for her bag. She pulled out the picture and slid it across to him.

"This one is better than the one we got the first time," Tara said. "You can see his profile."

"Oh yes, I can tell he is mine," he said pointing to the ultrasound with a smirk.

"That's his arm, Teller," Tara said, chuckling,

He smirked and laughed back and it was like music to her ears. Why did she think she couldn't be with him...oh yeah, trust. Or lack thereof.

"So, I got your letter. That you wanted to see me," Tara said in a low voice.

"I am surprised you came," Jax admitted.

She nodded and shrugged, "You're you. I wouldn't do it for Clay, Tig, or Bobby, but we have history."

He smiled and nodded.

"Why am I here, Jax?" she asked softly, after a few moments of silence.

"I want you...I want us back, the way we were. I have had a lot of time to think. What I did with Ima-," he said, but Tara felt like she was going to be sick hearing her name on his lips.

"No, Jackson, no," she said, shaking her head.

"Please, Tara," he pleaded, his eyes desperate.

Tara looked into them, wishing she could look away. She had never seen him like this before.

"I want you to be Abel's mom. I want us to be a family when I get out of here," he said, reaching for her hands again. Tara pulled them back before he could wrap them in his own, causing him to flinch.

They were both silent, Jax staring holes through her. Tara didn't know what to say.

"Please, Tara, I love you," he whispered.

"Jax," she sighed, closing her eyes…

"I know it was wrong," he rushed out.

"You are damn right you did. I told you when we did this...cheating is a deal breaker. I wasn't fucking around with you," she snapped harshly.

Jax sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his face before he looked back at her.

"I know...I fucked up. I know you don't believe it, but I was trying to protect you. By pushing you away," he said.

"That was bullshit when you first said it and it still sounds like bullshit," Tara said, anger rising in her.

"It's not. I was trying to push you away, knowing you wouldn't leave on your own," Jax said.

Tara thought about his words. They were practically identical to Gemma's.

_Can't handle the thought that something might happen to you too…_

Tara looked up to find Jax's blue eyes fixed on hers and she shuddered.

"I...could _never _do what you did to me," Tara croaked out, hating herself for crying.

She could tell he wanted to reach for her, but they weren't allowed contact except one hug to greet and say goodbye. And handholding on the table.

"So...I don't understand how you could do that to me," she said, her voice thick as she wiped away a few tears.

Jax could only look at her in contrition, no words to explain himself or his actions. She supposed it didn't really matter. It happened.

"I...can't," she said, "Not now anyway. Maybe not ever."

"I love you, Tara," he whispered.

"Stop saying that," she snapped, "If you really loved me, then you wouldn't have done it. If you loved me then you wouldn't have pushed me away. Saying those words...they don't make everything better, Jax. In fact, it makes it worse."

He scrunched his eyebrows at her and she explained, "If you loved me, that makes the betrayal so much worse."

"I am so sorry, babe. I will make it right," he promised, reaching out and snagging her hand before she could move it away, "I swear, Tara."

Tara only remained silent.

"At least take Abel," he said.

Tara snapped her eyes up to his and said, "Gemma has him. I am sure he is fine."

"You aren't listening, babe," Jax said, his eyes determined, squeezing her hands, "The only woman I want Abel to call mom is you. I want him with you while I am in here, even if we aren't together, that's what I want."

Tara was shocked by what he was saying...Adoption? Abel? She thought she would have to beg him for that, and that was when they were together. It had physically pained her to think that if she ended it with Jax, she might never see Abel again.

"Rosen is preparing adoption papers that say that. That's only if you want," Jax added.

Tara….was shocked. It was all she had wanted. She wanted to be Abel's mom, but she also wanted it known to everyone.

She nodded and said, "I will call Rosen."

"Good," he said, smiling in relief.

"What about Gemma?" Tara asked, scared shitless of the woman. They had grown close lately, but Tara didn't foresee her taking that news well.

"I will handle Gemma," Jax said.

They sat there, holding hands, comforting each other in this wretched place. Tara had been so engrossed in their conversation that she almost forgot they were surrounded by convicts and their families.

"So will you think about us?" he asked her seriously.

Tara sighed and looked down at their hands. She loved him. Always would.

"I will think about it," she said finally, "But...I am not making any promises Jax."

He nodded and said, "Good. That's good. Because this is what I want. For me and you and our boys."

_Our boys_...Tara loved the sound of that.

Tara gave him a small smile and he leaned forward and asked, "So, what's under that t-shirt and jeans?" giving her a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Tara couldn't help the smile and jerked her hands out of his and swatted at them.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Teller," she said, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled and after a minute of smiling at one another, she asked, "Are you okay in here, Jax?"

A dark look passed over his face that scared her, but he schooled his face and said, "I am fine." Clearly he wasn't.

"Can...I do anything?" she asked nervously.

"Take care of yourself and Abel," he said seriously.

Tara nodded and said, "I will. Do you...want me to bring him?"

Jax thought about her words and said, "I don't know...what do you think?"

She was surprised by his interest in her opinion. He seemed to catch it and said, "I am serious. I want your opinion. You're his mother. Would you want your son in a place like this?"

Tara closed her eyes, imagining little Abel in here with her. She would be scared shitless, but...she knew how happy Abel would be and how happy Jax would be.

"I would let him come here," she said after a minute, "He is young, resilient. He wouldn't even remember being here most likely. Just seeing you."

Jax smiled and said, "Thank you...for saying that."

She nodded and suddenly the guard called, "Time!"

Jax looked at her, as if drinking her in and committing her to memory. The intensity made her shiver. Jax stood and Tara scrambled to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her tight and whispered in a desperate voice, "Please think about what I said...about us. And call Rosen. Get Abel as soon as possible."

Tara nodded against his chest and felt his lips brush against her hair as he inhaled deeply.

Tara hated leaving him here, and she stepped back only when Officer Chalen said, "Come with me, Dr. Knowles."

Tara nodded and gave Jax one last smile.

"See you around, Teller," she said in a weak attempt at sounding stronger than she was, her voice cracking as she fought to contain her tears.

"You too, babe," he said, his voice thick as he looked at her sadly.

Jax was then escorted away by a different officer. Tara followed Officer Chalen out of the room, glancing over her shoulder one last time as she caught him doing the same thing.

As the gate clanged behind her, separating her from Jax, she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She wiped her eyes, shaking head to toe as she followed the group through a series of hallways. After a few more gates, she stumbled out into the main lobby.

She got her keys from the desk and as she turned around, she took in Gemma, who was crying as she looked her over.

"Oh, baby," Gemma said, wrapping her arms tight around Tara, "The first visit is always the hardest. I am proud of you, baby."

Tara buried her face in Gemma's shoulder and sobbed in relief. She needed someone after that horrible room. She hated leaving him there.

"I hate that..._sob_...I couldn't bring him..._sob_...with me! That..._sob_...I had to..._sob_...leave him there..._sob_...in that horrible place!" she wailed. She felt Gemma crying too and nodded, shushing her to calm her as she ran her hand through Tara's hair. Tara eventually stopped crying so hard, exhausted.

Tara pulled away, appreciating that Gemma didn't release her tight grip until Tara was ready.

"We will pull through, babe. We always do," Gemma said kindly, but sternly. Gemma had been through this before.

Tara nodded, frowning. She looked behind her to the gate where she had just come from. Where Jax was. She shook as she realized how scary this place was. Was he safe? Was he hurt? Right now?

She felt the tears well in her eyes again and Gemma grabbed her attention.

"The club is looking out for us out here, and them in there," Gemma said firmly, reassuring Tara that Jax was okay.

Tara nodded, and said weakly, "Okay."

"Kozik is gonna drive you home, sweetheart," Gemma said, running her hand through her hair again.

"He...doesn't need to," Tara said, "I don't think he even knows me."

"He is a member of the club. You can trust him," Gemma said, a smirk on her face.

"He probably has better shit to do than drive around-"

"Jax's old lady? Not likely," Gemma said.

Tara remained silent. Was she still Jax's old lady? Hadn't he told his mom and the club she had ended it two months ago?

Gemma pushed her towards the doors of the prison and said, "Go, I am going in with the next round to see Clay."

Tara nodded and walked towards her car. She spotted a man in a leather Son's cut leaning against the driver's door to her car, smoking as he waited for her. She had remembered him and Tig going after one another while the Jax and the rest of the main MC were in Ireland, but nothing more.

"Er, Kozik?" she asked, her voice wobbly.

The man spun and Tara was sure she had never seen him without any bruises or cuts before now, but he quickly put out his cigarette and held his hand out for hers. She shook it and said, "Nice to meet you, I'm Tara."

He smiled and said, "Nice to meet you too, sweetheart." Jeez, she was being called sweetheart by everyone today. Must be because she looked like an emotional mess on the verge of tears again.

"Keys?" he asked, holding his hand out again.

Tara rifled through her bag and extracted them, handing them over. She actually was relieved he was here. She was so tired from her exhausting cry she might have fallen asleep at the wheel.

He nodded and walked to her side of the car and pulled open the door. Tara flushed in embarrassment and climbed in. He shut the door behind her and she buckled up as he walked around to the driver's side.

As they pulled out of the prison, Kozik said, "Nice wheels."

Tara chuckled at his sarcasm and asked, "What? For a cage?"

Kozik just laughed and eyed her, before focusing on the road once more.

They were silent as he pulled onto the highway towards Charming. She looked out the window, but only seeing bars, her mind with Jax. She had never been good with separating herself from Jax, and apparently that was still the case even though he had broken her heart.

_How hopeless you are_, she thought to herself.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked as she wiped away a stray tear.

Tara nodded and closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

Suddenly she felt his hand take hers, resting on the bench seat between them.

"Go ahead and cry all you want, Tara," he murmured.

Tara looked to him in shock, her tears forgotten. He gave her a sidelong glance, lifting one corner of his mouth up to her and then focusing back on the road, squeezing her hand.

And then, because he said she could, Tara burst into tears.

**So obviously, I am doing a love triangle. I was watching the show and besides Kozik, there really isn't anyone I would consider attractive enough for Tara's level of hotness...so Kozik it is! What do you all think? Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! I got some interest, so I thought I would throw out the next chapter so you can read over the weekend. I am still making my mind up on this since I have other stories out there I am working on as well. So if there isn't enough interest, I will probably put this on hold. Either way, let me know your thoughts, because I value them so!**

**Enjoy and thanks for reading!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 2

Jax

Jax couldn't wake himself from this nightmare. He was in jail...tossing around on his bunk, attempting to wake himself.

_He was on his bike, which usually meant it was a good dream...but not when he recognized the scene…_

_Opie's truck. Stopped at a red light in the middle of downtown Charming. Police cruisers and ambulances surrounded the area, yellow tape closing off a certain area. Jax watched as Opie leapt from his bike with wide panicked eyes._

"_Donna?" he called, rushing forward, his tone frantic as he made his way through the crowd. Jax followed his best friend as if he was tethered to him. He didn't want to see this again...why was he seeing this again?_

_Suddenly, Opie was standing in front of him, blocking his path towards Donna._

"_You don't want to see this, brother," Opie murmured, his tone sad. Jax furrowed his brow in confusion at Opie, not understanding...this wasn't how it had happened._

_Jax moved around Opie and his heart stopped...Tara. She was the one on the stretcher, lying on the ground, partially wrapped in a plastic bag to take her away. Her eyes staring wide, lifeless, blood caking her hair. _

"_TARA!" he screamed, rushing to her, his heart beating frantically. "TARA!" he screamed, as if he could wake her. He stared into her soft hazel eyes...no sparkle left in them._

"_It's alright, son," Clay said, coming up behind him, "Tara's fine."_

_Jax kept screaming over and over as he held Tara to him, shivering as the cold skin of her forehead touched his lips._

"Jax!"

Jax jerked awake, sweating and shaking.

"It was a nightmare, son," Bobby grumbled sympathetically.

Jax sat up on his bunk and rubbed his face anxiously. A dream...just a dream. It seemed so real.

Jax shuddered as he took in his surroundings once more. Prison...he was in prison. For once he was relieved that he was. It meant he hadn't lost Tara. Jax jumped when he felt Bobby put his hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"You get them too?" Jax asked, "The nightmares?"

Bobby sighed and sat down on the lower bunk.

"Nah, not really," Bobby said, "Never really found a woman that I considered my old lady."

Jax stared up at the ceiling, realizing there was a nightmare worse than Tara dying. The nightmare that he never had been with her. Never met her. Jax sighed as he lied back on his bunk. It was the middle of the night and the cells echoed with a dull hum of quiet conversations and snores from the other inmates.

"She visits tomorrow, right?" Bobby asked from his bunk below Jax's.

"Yeah, said she was bringing Abel," Jax said, smiling that he would see his son.

"That'll help," Bobby grumbled.

Jax nodded, even though he knew Bobby couldn't see him. It would help. He missed Tara and his little boy...more than anything.

"Get some sleep, kid," Bobby said, already falling back asleep.

Jax rolled to his side so he was facing the wall, where there were three photos. One of him and Tara, one of him and Abel, and one of the ultrasound Tara had brought a month ago. He focused on Tara's image, feeling the pangs of lust and need so great he considered rubbing one out for her, despite the fact that Bobby was just below him, now snoring.

Jax decided not to and looked to the ultrasound. How much bigger had he gotten? How was Tara? Was she having any complications? What if he had the family flaw? Jax wondered how Tara was managing work and her pregnancy. Was she working too hard? Was she going to go on maternity leave? He wanted to know so much.

Tomorrow he would have only an hour to talk to her and he decided to write her letters. He sat up, angling his body towards the bars, where there was a dim light in the hallway left on.

He grabbed a pen and paper and began to write all his questions. How he hoped she was being careful, taking care of herself. She had written to him only one time. He knew she was still thinking about them and that was all he could ask for.

_The club and your mother still don't know about our breakup?_ she had written. He didn't know they had broken up. Jax thought they were taking a break and just not together right now. _Right now_ being the key words there.

He had explained that he didn't want there to be tension while she was adopting Abel with his mother or the club, so he kept their separation under wraps.

What he didn't tell her was that he didn't want people, especially his family and the club, to know. Jax hoped he could fix things with Tara. And until he did, he wanted the club to watch over her. To keep her safe. If she wasn't with him, they wouldn't be so vigilant.

His eyes focused once more on Tara, and he slowly felt his eyelids close as exhaustion took over.

He woke abruptly to lights turning on a yelling from all the inmates. He sighed. Breakfast.

Right now, Tara would be waking up, making Abel his breakfast. Jax could almost see the domestic scene in front of him, Abel in his high chair as Tara gave him his breakfast, her belly swollen as she rubbed her lower back. He wanted to rub her lower back for her. Jax wondered if she had cravings, and if she did, what they were.

Bobby's grizzly head appeared from the lower bunk, groaning about his bad back.

"Come on man," he said, tapping Jax's bunk. Jax sat up, reminding himself that even though he wasn't there in the kitchen this morning, she was coming today. She was getting ready to come and see him, with Abel. So today, despite the shithole they all were in, today was a good day.

Jax sprung out of his bed and stretched, throwing on his shirt and rubbing his hand over his hair. He quickly brushed his teeth just in time for the guards to open their cell and lead them to the cafeteria for breakfast.

Tara

"Come on, Abel," Tara said, preening as he responded and smiled up at her.

It had been her and the little man four about a month now. It still shocked her that he was hers and here with her. Each day, they grew closer and closer. When she got home from work, relieving Gemma, she loved the feel of Abel's excited grasp around her neck. Almost too tight. His excited squeals when Gemma said, "Look, its Mama!"

Tara smiled as she carried the toddler to his room to get him ready. It was a big day today. It was her second visit to the prison. She hadn't been in a little over a month, mainly because Abel had been sick with congestion and head cold. And because she needed time to mentally and emotionally recuperate from her first visit.

He was a fighter, but because he was on heart meds and had pre-existing conditions she was extra cautious. She picked an outfit for him, holding it up to him for his approval. He only gave her a gummy, drool filled smile. "I'll take that as a yes, baby," she said, smiling down at him.

She changed him, kissing his belly and blowing raspberries on his stomach causing him to go wild with giggles. She laughed down at him and said, "You know who we are going to go see today, baby boy? We are going to go see daddy!"

He gurgled, waving his hands up at her to hold him and she laughed as she picked him up.

"Yes, we are, we are going to go see Daddy!"

"Tara, honey!" Gemma called out, the door opening and closing as she let herself in. All the Sons wanted to be there when Abel visited. So they had all arranged for visitors to go during the same allotted time slot.

"In the nursery!" Tara called out as she slipped his shoe on his foot. She set him down on the ground and said, "Go find Grandma!"

He babbled up at her and then squealed as he took off, looking for Gemma no doubt. Tara laughed as she reached for his diaper bag, packing everything she could think of for him and for her. This time she had brought tissues in case she got emotional. She hoped to God she didn't.

"Hi, honey," Gemma said, walking in and wrapping an arm around Tara. Tara smiled and said, "Almost ready."

Gemma nodded and said, "I got Tiggy's girls out in the car, waiting. Just wanted to check and make sure everything was okay with you and Abel,"' she said, tickling his tummy.

"Yeah, is there room for me and little man?" Tara asked, "I just don't want to drive in case-"

"Oh, Kozik is outside waiting on you. I thought you knew?" Gemma said, "He offered to drive you again."

Tara nodded, "Oh...okay, great." _He offered?_ she wondered.

Gemma nodded and said, "Better get a move on."

Tara nodded and walked to the bathroom. She put the finishing touches to her makeup and then fluffed her hair a few times as she gave herself a pep talk. As she lay in bed last night, with Abel snuggled into her side, she had made a list of things she wouldn't do.

The last time she had gone off script so sticking to her list was important.

1. Keep the focus on Abel

2. No crying...it made Jax feel worse and would frighten Abel

3. No talking about stressful topics...he was under enough stress

4. Give him pregnancy update

5. Tell him the name she had settled on

6. Promise to write more and mean it this time

The truth was Tara had a hard time writing to Jax. She didn't know what to write. He wrote beautiful letters, full of questions for her. But he also wrote about their future together. She answered once or twice...no, just once. She didn't want to write about stuff on the outside. Didn't want to make him feel more terrible about being inside.

"Tara!" Kozik called out, opening the front door like he owned the place. She sighed, realizing she would need to remember to lock the door.

"I am ready," Tara called out, walking out of the bathroom with Abel scurrying after her on his chubby little legs.

"Will you grab that diaper bag and a couple of his bottles from the fridge?" she asked. He nodded and walked to the kitchen. Kozik had been around a lot lately. Not intrusively, but she wondered why he was there. Was Jax watching her through him?

She wanted to ask him that too, adding it to her list.

Kozik smiled down at Tara and then Abel who was clinging shyly to her leg, hiding from him.

"Ready to see your dad?" he asked Abel, crouching down to talk to him. Tara bent over and picked Abel up and said, "He misses him."

"Well, let's get on the road," Kozik said, standing and carrying her purse and diaper bag out to the car.

Tara buckled Abel into the car seat and handed him a bottle of juice and a few toys to keep him occupied. As she climbed in she noted that he had already thrown two of the three toys to the floor beyond his reach. It was a game he had learned to get Tara to pay attention to him. She smiled and said, "Behave, young man."

Tara swore his answering smile was the mischievous one she had seen on Jax's face hundreds of times. Oh boy. This kid was going to be a heartbreaker, just like her Jax.

_Her Jax...oh jeez, none of that now_, she scolded herself.

The car was silent as they got on the highway which is when Abel got fussy, realizing the ride was longer than usual.

Tara grimaced, knowing it had to be done.

"You are going to hate me, Kozik," Tara said regretfully, reaching forward and pressing a few buttons on her console. He looked at her confused until Silly Car Songs Vol. 1 began playing.

"You gotta be shitting me?" he asked, chuckling.

"It's either this or him screaming his head off for a half hour...your pick," she said, smiling.

"Jesus Christ," he murmured, but she could tell he was more amused than annoyed.

After a few songs, he pretended to get really into the songs, lip-syncing, causing both Tara and Abel to laugh.

"I think you missed your career in the performance arts, Kozik," Tara teased.

He laughed and thrummed his hands on the wheel.

"Is Kozik your last name?" she asked, realizing how little she knew about this man.

He nodded, not offering his first name.

"And your first name?" she probed, realizing she was probably being rude.

"You have to promise you won't call me it," he said, shooting her a serious look.

Tara quirked her eyebrow in curiosity, "Sure. I promise."

"It's Herman," he said, rolling his eyes.

Tara smiled, "What's wrong with Herman?"

"It's an old man name! Like I should be wearing adult diapers or something!" he said, as if he couldn't believe she was questioning it.

Tara laughed and said, "No, I like it. But I won't call you it, if you don't want me to."

He nodded and then looked ahead of them… "There she is."

Tara looked out the windshield. Stockton...it looked more frightening than she remembered. She was shaking as she thought about taking Abel and her hugely pregnant self inside.

"Guys in the can would never hurt a knocked up chick or a kid," Kozik reassured her, taking in the terrified look on her face.

She didn't know why, but it did make her feel better.

Kozik parked the cutlass and grabbed her bags as she unstrapped Abel and set him on the ground. He was off in a second, but didn't get far. Abel never strayed too far from her side.

She reached down for his little hand and he held on, sticking his other thumb in his mouth as he examined his surroundings.

He would glance at the barbed wire fence, then at Tara, then to the gated doors, then to Tara. Each time he was looking for her reaction to know if he should be happy, scared...Tara gave him a reassuring smile and leaned down and picked him up. He smiled at her and Tara walked through the gate and then to the front door.

She checked in, recognizing so many of the club's family in the room. She spotted Gemma talking animatedly to another woman before she spotted Tara and waved her over. Kozik followed her and Abel as Gemma reached for Abel.

"How was the car ride?" she asked, looking between Tara and Kozik.

"Silly Car Songs Vol. 1," Tara said, shooting Gemma a look.

"Nooo! Did you make Mommy and Kozik listen to that, you little monster?" she mock scolded Abel, tickling him. He laughed, jerking in Gemma's arm to get away from her relentless fingers and it made Tara feel better. Like they were just a normal family.

Abel reached out for Tara, seeing refuge from his tickling grandma. Tara took him in her arms just as the guards called a good portion of the names waiting for their visit, including hers.

Tara carried Abel and the diaper bag, leaving her purse with Kozik, who told her he would wait for her in the waiting area.

As her and Abel's things were searched through, she wondered what they did with babies in their pat downs and searches. Nobody..._nobody_ was getting their hands on Abel. Tara would rather tell Jax she didn't want him there.

"Ma'am," a female officer said, gesturing into one of the small spaces for searches. Gemma caught her eye before going into her own little search area. The look said,_ Stay calm, baby._

Tara breathed a long exhale, trying to calm her furious heart.

"Now, this is his first time, correct?" the elderly guard asked, gesturing to Abel as she waved a metal detector wand over Tara, who still clenched Abel to her a little too tight. Abel whimpered in alarm, as if sensing Tara's unease.

"Yes," Tara responded, "If you are going to do anything to him, I would just prefer to leave him in the waiting room with family."

The woman smiled sympathetically and said, "I am going to ask you to do everything for me."

Tara sighed in relief. If it was just a matter of taking off his pants and onesie, and she was the one to do it, she had no problem with that.

Tara and Abel quickly went through the search and then were led out into the hallway to be taken to the visitation room. Gemma caught her eye, relief strong in her expression. Tara smiled in relief. Gemma nodded, and Tara could practically hear her, _Good job, baby._

The worst part was over. Tara kissed all over Abel's face, who was still studying her for any indication that something was wrong. He was a very perceptive child.

She smiled widely at him, making goofy faces at him, causing him to drool as he laughed at her. She smiled, blowing raspberries on his cheek, making him forget the uncomfortable search.

Tara and the rest of the visitors, a majority being family members of the club, filed into the room and Tara couldn't help but note the difference from her last visit. It was like a family reunion. A fucked up family reunion in prison.

Tara gently set Abel to his feet so the members could see how he was growing. She held his hand tightly, and he smiled shyly from behind her leg as she slowly made her way through the room, taking the longest route as Gemma had requested. That way they all could see Abel.

Tig, Clay, Juice, Happy, and Bobby all called to her in greeting, waving at Abel. She briefly smiled at them, keeping her focus on Jax, who was waiting for them with an unreadable expression on his face. Happiness was right...it was almost like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Finally, they reached him. Abel looked up at him shyly for a second, clinging to Tara's leg. She saw the sad look on Jax's face when he realized Abel didn't recognize him.

"He isn't used to you not having long hair," Tara pointed out, which was true. The first time she had seen him with short hair she had to do a double take.

"Say something, he will recognize your voice," Tara encouraged.

Jax bent down and said, "Hi Abel, come give your old man a hug."

At his words, Abel's eyes lit up in recognition and he scrambled towards Jax on his wobbly legs. Jax's face lit up too and Tara had to remind herself of Rule #2: No Crying.

She inhaled deeply and was about to sit down, but Jax reached for her, pulling her into his arms with Abel still clinging to his chest.

Tara inhaled deeply, an instinct as she wrapped her arms around him. He winced and Tara pulled back, concern flooding her.

"What?" she asked gently.

"It's nothing," Jax whispered, his arm still wrapped around her.

"Teller, that's enough!" a guard yelled. Tara jumped at the barked order and Jax released her and handed her Abel. She held Abel, her focus still on that wince of pain. She realized all the other inmates and visitor were now sitting and visiting.

"Jax, tell me what happened," she asked, demanding to know.

"I...Tara it was nothing. Somebody cut me here," he said, gesturing towards his ribs.

Tara saw red and said, "Why didn't you tell me?" Somewhere in the back of her head, she heard Rule #3: No stressful topics! But she didn't care. She needed to know he was okay.

Jax shrugged and said, "I didn't want to worry you."

Tara's lips tightened, but told herself he didn't need her lecture. He was already in prison.

"So, when you say cut...do you mean someone jammed something sharp inside of you? Like a shiv?" Tara asked.

Jax nodded and said, "It wasn't serious Tara."

Tara felt the tears well up and Abel squawked in distress, reminding. Rule fucking #2: No crying.

She nodded and Jax smiled at her proudly.

"How are you, babe?" he asked gently, his eyes flicking to her belly.

"Fat," Tara responded, shifting Abel so Jax could see just how fat she was.

Jax laughed and said, "You look beautiful."

Tara flushed and looked down at the table, taking note of her hands, holding Abel tightly. At least they weren't shaking like last time.

Tara reached into the diaper bag and extracted a small stack of photos and smeared water color paintings of Abel's. She handed them over to Jax. A new ultrasound, a picture of Abel as he took his first steps, and one of Gemma and Tara, taken at a Charming community event, all dressed up.

"Thank you," he said, thumbing through them, but his eyes settling on the ultrasound.

"Can you tell me about him," Jax asked, a look of such vulnerability in his expression, it almost broke her heart.

Tara nodded and said, "I decided on a name. I think you'll like it."

He looked excited and asked, "What?"

"Thomas," she said nervously. This could be a hit or miss.

"Thomas," Jax whispered, his eyes going to the past no doubt. To his brother.

Tara waited, Abel babbling at Jax and her, trying to get their attention.

After a minute of the past flooding his mind, Jax reached forward and a smile broke out on his face as he took her free hand. "Thomas….I love it, Tara, thank you," he said, squeezing her hand.

She smiled in relief and said, "He is very healthy according to the doctors. Strong heartbeat. They don't think he has any congenital heart defects."

"Does he kick?" Jax asked, his fingers twitching. She realized he wanted to feel.

"_All_ the time. I think he is going to be a professional soccer player," she said with a smile.

He chuckled and she continued, "He likes Mexican food...a lot. Once a day, I need a burrito or a taco salad or something. And lime jello...I never liked lime jello before this kid!"

"He can recognize certain voices. Gemma's, mine...even Abel's nonsense," she said, kissing the top of Abel's head as he looked up at her saying his name.

"He stretches all the time, and when I sneeze, it startles him so much he jumps a bit," she murmured with a small smile on her face. She was pulled out of her ramblings when she observed Jax's expression go from excited to melancholy. "Sorry," she whispered.

"No," Jax said, "I want to hear all about him. I just wish…"

Tara nodded and gently said, "I know, Jax."

There was silence for a moment as Abel leaned forward and patted his parents' hands with gummy, drooled covered fist. Jax smiled and looked at Abel, fixated.

"I hope he has your eyes...Thomas," Jax said, looking into Tara's eyes. Tara shivered at the intensity of his words and the husky voice. Her nipples hardened, which didn't go unnoticed by Jax. His eyes dilated and became pools of lust.

"So I am guessing Bobby isn't doing his prison wifely duties," she teased, her face flushing as she pulled her shoulders inward to prevent others from seeing.

His eyes, still distracted by her boobs, glanced up at her for a moment and said, "Fuck I want you so bad. If it didn't mean my visitations would be limited and I would be beat with clubs, I would take you here on this table, now."

It was a murmured desire, but Tara flushed and averted her gaze to see if anyone heard him. They didn't, thank God. Too occupied with their own inmates.

"Are you thinking about what we talked about?" he asked suddenly, his eyes focused on hers once more.

_Rule #...surely this topic applied to one of the rules?_ she thought

She nodded and said, "I am," hoping that placated him on the subject.

Jax nodded and he gave her an amused smile, "Anything I can do to sway you, Knowles?"

Tara smirked, loving the playful turn this potentially awkward conversation had taken.

"Oh I think you have done just enough, Teller," she said, kissing Abel's head, "Using your own child to try and get me back...I am ashamed of you, Teller."

Jax laughed, but a serious look settled in his eyes as he looked her and Abel over, "He seems happy. So do you."

"We are," she said, ruffling Abel's hair.

Jax leaned forward, grabbing her hand and said, "I want you to know I am thinking a lot of things over in here."

Tara startled at his words and shifted Abel so he was perched on the edge of the table.

"Me too, Jax," she said, hoping to soothe his anxieties.

Jax nodded and responded, "Good."

Tara smiled at him and he looked nervously at her before saying, "I know you don't want to hear it, but I love you, Tara. So much."

Tara looked down at her lap...well, technically her huge pregnant belly as she remembered her seething demand to not tell her he loved her. She had been so hurt then. She was still hurt, but...it wasn't as acute.

"I know," she murmured softly. As she thought about the change in her feelings from then to now, she knew it all had to do with Abel. This child...Abel had the power to heal her hurt. And part of Tara knew Jax had known that. She wondered if Jax had guessed that Abel's nearly identical looks would also help her not to feel the sting of betrayal so harshly when she saw him.

He squeezed her hand and she looked up at him. "I love you, Jax. I always have."

He smiled a hopeful smile, but it was tempered by the fact that she was frowning.

"I don't really want to talk about this," Tara admitted, "I told you I would think about it, but I need time to. Luckily we have about a year until I have to let you know, right?" she said, smirking at him.

He scowled at her and asked, "Will you screw other guys?"

She gaped at him and spluttered out, "Excuse me? When would I? Between working full time, caring for Abel, and being knocked up, about to pop?"

Jax couldn't help but laugh at her and she smiled in exasperation.

"Jesus, Jax," she said, shaking her head.

"Sorry," he murmured

Tara wondered if he expected her to wait for him...the thought hadn't crossed her mind until now. She really had been extremely busy preparing for Thomas, taking care of Abel, and other life shit that came up along with her career.

_Rule #1 Keep the focus on Abel, _Tara thought to herself. No good could come out of the conversation regarding a potential love life that didn't involve Jax.

For the remainder of their time, Tara and Jax talked about Abel. Abel, sensing he was being talked about, repeatedly tried to crawl across the table to Jax. Tara had to hold him back each time, which broke her and Jax's heart. Abel looked so disappointed and confused each time she restrained him.

"He misses you," Tara said, gathering their things as their time dwindled.

"You have no idea...what being away from you does to me," he said, his voice and eyes haunted.

Tara reached across the table and grabbed his hands, rubbing her thumbs along the back of them soothingly, telling him she talked about him all the time to Abel, putting pictures of him on every surface of both houses so Abel always saw his face.

"You staying at your house?" Jax asked, curious.

"Not much," Tara replied, shrugging, "I don't want to confuse him by changing his surroundings too much. He has had enough of that."

Jax nodded. Their boy had been to a different continent and multiple homes. His resilience was amazing, but Tara didn't want to push it.

She zipped up Abel's diaper bag, "I mainly stay at dad's old place when he is staying at Gemma's for the night."

Jax gave her an odd look, but she disregarded it as the guard called out, "Time!"

Tara stood, handing Abel to Jax to hold one more time before leaving. He squeezed him, smelling his head and whispered "Love you, little man."

He put him down, and then wrapped Tara in a tight hug. She held him carefully, remembering his injury as he whispered, "Drive back safe, okay?"

She nodded and said, "Kozik is driving. Hey! Reminds me, he doesn't have to watch me. I can handle myself."

Jax's brow furrowed in confusion and asked, "Kozik is keeping an eye on you?"

She looked up at him in confusion and asked, "You didn't ask him to?"

Jax slowly shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Oh," Tara said, her mind racing for an explanation. "Oh well, didn't you say Tig and Kozik felt responsible for a lot of the Salazar stuff that happened? Maybe that's why he keeps an eye on me...the guilt."

_That makes sense_, she thought to herself as she nodded. It was nice but unnecessary.

"Hmm," Jax said as if he didn't have an opinion on it, but Tara knew better. Jax had an opinion on anything to do with the Club and its members. Pulling her close again, Jax kissed the top of her head as he inhaled, taking in the scent of her shampoo.

"I love you," he whispered, rubbing his hand over her belly. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute, causing little Thomas to stir under his hand. Jax pulled back in delighted surprise and she smiled at him, "See?" she exclaimed.

He nodded and kissed her forehead one last time before he was screamed at by a guard. Tara jumped but Jax just pulled away as the guard approached them.

"Bye, baby," he said, pulled away from her. Tara bent down, picking up Abel and saying, "Say bye to daddy, Abel."

Abel waved, not really understanding what was happening as he waved his little hand.

"See you," she called out, smiling at him again, "I will write."

He smiled over his shoulder as he was cuffed in walking chains and escorted back to a gate that must lead further into the prison.

Tara watched until Jax was out of sight before turning to the approaching guard who wanted to escort her out. She smiled, cooing to Abel who was reaching in the direction Jax had been lead. The officer looked sad at the action...it was sad. Seeing a father and son separated.

Tara collected the diaper bag and followed the officer out.

Like before, Gemma was there waiting with Kozik. Both looked at her like they didn't know if she was going to lose it like she had last time. She gave them a small smile, setting Abel down to his feet and handing the diaper bag to Kozik's extended hand.

Tara took Gemma into a hug, surprised she didn't cry. She almost felt like a bad person for not crying.

"I love you, Tara," Gemma said, her voice so tender and heartfelt Tara couldn't help but feel their authenticity. Tara pulled away, realizing that Gemma might have many, many faults, but once she considered you her own...she would do just about anything for you.

"You too, Gemma," Tara said.

"Let's get home," Gemma said gently.

She waved over Tiggy's girls and they all left Stockton, one big, messed up family.

**Please leave me a review! Thanks everyone and have a great weekend!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Hope you all are enjoying your weekend! I have been updating like crazy! Wahoo!**

**Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 3

Tara

Tara clenched her teeth as another wave of pain washed over her, her insides clenching against the pain of her child trying to tear from his confines inside of her.

She cursed loudly, gripping the rails of the hospital bed. Tara breathed heavily through the contraction until finally she felt the contraction loosen its hold on her. Tara exhaled in relief, moving her hips as if to encourage her baby out of her.

She had been in labor for ten hours so far. Her face and body was covered in sweat and she didn't know how much longer she could do this for.

She was alone in her hospital room, chewing on ice chips as she prepared for the next contraction. Gemma was outside the room, calling Jax at the prison to let him know Tara was in labor.

She felt the next contraction coming and she once again gripped the handrails of the bed. She rode out the contraction, whimpering in pain.

Gemma came back in and stood next to her bed, wiping Tara's forehead down.

"Oh baby, breathe through the pain honey," Gemma said softly.

Tara inhaled deeply and as the contraction left her body, she exhaled.

"Did...did you get ahold of Jax?" Tara asked breathlessly.

"No, baby, they said he wasn't allowed calls right now," Gemma said sympathetically. What the hell did that mean? Was he in segregation? _Jesus Christ_, she thought to herself. Not only was she alone during her labor, but the father of her child was in too much shit to know what was going on with her and the baby.

Tara wondered how far along she was just as the doctor popped his head in.

"Dr. Knowles, how are we coming in here?" her OB asked, snapping gloves into place so he could check on her.

"Sorry, I didn't bring my ruler, how about you tell me?" Tara joked weakly, causing him to laugh.

"Looking good, you're still only at four," he said standing from between her legs. Four? FOUR!?

"You've got to be shitting me?" Tara nearly growled out as a contraction rolled through her, her abdomen on fire.

"I will come check on you soon, okay?" he asked, leaving the room.

"You picked a man gynie?" Gemma asked, amused.

Tara began to feel the contraction fade and panted out, "He came highly recommended."

"Yeah, highly recommended for looking at pussies all day," Gemma teased, causing Tara to laugh. Gemma had some weird views on shit, but luckily Tara found this one amusing.

Another head popped in and Tara squinted to make out Kozik, who looked somewhat green as he looked at her.

In his arms he held flowers. Tara smiled at him and said, "Hey Kozy."

In the three months that Jax had been inside Stockton, Tara and Kozik had become good friends. She would equate it with Gemma and Tiggy's relationship.

"How's it coming, sweetheart?" he asked, coming around to the other side of the bed and kissing her sweaty temple.

"I am only at four, even though I have been at this for ten hours," Tara said grumpily, "Little shit is really pissing me off."

Kozik and Gemma chuckled at her and Kozik said, "If he has any of your stubbornness, Knowles, you are in for a long night."

Tara scowled at him playfully before she hissed in pain as a contraction shot through her...this contraction though...it was different. Gemma looked at her and asked, "What?"

Tara tried to ride out the contraction without alarming Gemma and Kozy, but she whimpered as it happened again. "Should I get the doctor?" Kozik asked, clearly panicked. Gemma shot him a look, but focused on Tara and said, "What is it?"

"Not...sure," she bit out, her muscles twisting painfully.

"Get the doctor," Gemma said to Kozik, who sprinted from the room.

The contraction finally released its grip on her and she sighed in relief.

"Wanna tell me what's going on there?" Gemma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I told you, I wasn't sure," Tara said, grabbing her ice cup and taking another cube in her mouth to suck on.

"Not with the contraction," Gemma said, exasperated, "I meant with Kozik."

Tara looked at Gemma in shock and then laughed, "Are you kidding me? Nothing. Jeez, he has just been helping me out with Abel while Jax is gone, keeping an eye on us."

"Hmm?" Gemma said, still looking suspicious.

"It isn't like _that_, trust me," Tara said, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe not for you, baby," Gemma said, shooting her a look, "I know men. Trust me, Kozik has feelings for you."

Tara sighed and said, "Yeah, _friendly _feelings." Really it didn't matter anyway, her and Jax weren't together. But Gemma didn't know that and neither did the club. She didn't understand why, but that's the way Jax wanted it.

Gemma shook her head as if she was amused by Tara's naivety, but her train of thought on Kozik was interrupted by another contraction. A painful one too.

Tara sat upright, hoping a change in position helped her, but it only made it worse. The doctor and Kozik appeared and Tara said how far apart the contractions were and what had changed.

The OB snapped on his gloves, standing between Tara's legs once more.

He mumbled to himself, and Tara was breathing so hard she couldn't hear him.

Kozik had come around the bed once more and grabbed Tara's hand, holding it in his own. He looked nervously down at her and Tara couldn't help but see the look Gemma got at the action. Tara really didn't care. Right now it was nice to feel that somebody gave a shit about her, even if it was the Sons guard watching her as her ex was in lockup.

"Dr. Knowles," the OB said, "I am going to suggest a C-section," he said as he looked over the heart monitor readouts for her and the baby.

"The baby's heart rhythm is down and-" he began to explain, but was cut off.

"Oh my God, is it the flaw?" Gemma choked out, clearly terrified. She paced nervously.

"No," the doctor said looking to Gemma, and then back to Tara, "I would feel more comfortable going in to get your son out to prevent complications."

Tara looked at her OB, wondering what he wasn't saying. But she didn't want to risk the baby's safety, so she said, "Let's do it."

He nodded and stalked out of the room and Tara realized Kozik was gripping her hand almost painfully.

"Koz, my hand," Tara said gently, smirking up at him. He look terrified. Obviously he had never been near a delivery before.

His cheeks flushed a ruddy red and he loosened his grip, but didn't let go.

"Gemma, we got tested for Thomas' heartbeat throughout the pregnancy. Dr. Namid assured me he doesn't have the condition," Tara said reassuring Gemma.

Gemma studied her nervously and said, "I am going to go try reaching one of the other guys at Stockton. Give them the news, hopefully they can pass it along to Jax somehow."

Tara nodded and Gemma looked to Kozik, "You stay with her."

Kozik nodded, looking pale once more but determined it seemed to not run for the hills.

"Hey, sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Kozik asked once the door closed behind Gemma. Tara looked up at him, exhausted, but she studied his face. He looked so worried and she could tell he would do anything to help her.

"I am fine," Tara reassured him, "Now that I am going under the knife, it will be quick."

Kozik nodded and said, "Did you know my last name literally translated means 'small, pointy knife'?" clearly trying to distract her.

Tara chuckled weakly and said, "I didn't know that. Not just a clever name, eh?"

Kozik chuckled and Tara was glad. He seemed to relax when she was joking around.

"Polish?" she asked, feeling the contraction coming.

"Yeah," Kozik said, feeling her muscles contract in her hand, knowing what was coming. And he was back to being frantic.

"Jesus Christ," Tara whimpered as the pain tore through her. She shuddered in pain, wave after wave of it coursing through her abdomen.

She wished Jax was here. The thought came out of nowhere, but Tara knew it was true. She wanted him here. They had made Thomas together and she wanted him to be here for his birth.

_Guess a girl doesn't always get what she wants_, Tara thought bitterly as the contraction slowed.

She was scared. In a little bit, she would be sliced open. She wanted Jax. Tara felt tears prick her eyes and she felt the contraction end.

"Should I get the doctor?" Kozik asked nervously as he spied her tears.

Tara shook her head and said, "No. The scrub team will be back shortly to get me to the delivery room."

Kozik nodded and Tara pulled her hand from his, reaching for the cup in front of her.

"I do need some ice though," she said, offering him the cup. He looked relieved to have a job and bounded out of the room to get her the ice.

As Tara lied in the room alone, a thought occurred to her. This would be her life if she chose one with Jax. She would be alone. Club took precedence and he would never be able to guarantee he would be there to hold her hand through the big things.

Tara would spend her life wishing things were different, that they lived different lives...did she really want that for herself? Jax would promise things would be different, that he wouldn't get locked up again, but...it wasn't a promise he should make to her. The likelihood that he would end back in jail or dead were high if he continued to get more and more entangled in Samcro.

Shit, he was VP...Tara could only imagine how much worse it could get as President. Tara shuddered at the idea. She could just see that title turning Jax into someone like Clay.

Did she want to be the next Gemma? The next Queen of Samcro? No, she had never wanted that. There were three things she had wanted in her life. Jax. Family. And to be a doctor.

If she took Jax, all that shit would come with him...Tara teared up as it sunk in.

Another contraction came, as if accentuating her point. She grabbed the hand rails of the bed, riding out the pain. _You will be with Jax, but you will be alone, baby,_ she thought to herself as pain licked through her. Here she was, one of the most important moments of her life, and she was alone. When she should be sharing it with someone she loved, instead she had Gemma and a guy named after a sharp, pointy knife.

The contraction stopped just as Kozik came in and handed her the cup of ice.

"Thanks Kozy," she whispered, sipping at the cool water.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, desperate to help her as he used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away the sweat from her face.

Tara smiled at him and said, "I am good. Just stay, please," she asked, her voice shaking as she realized how scared she was for this. Not only for the delivery, but for becoming a mom._ A single parent_, she realized for the first time since her earlier revelation.

Kozik nodded, wiping a sweaty tendril from her forehead.

Minutes later, the scrub teamed arrived and began unhooking her from monitors and screens.

Gemma came back in, asking, "She is going in now?"

"Yes, Mr. Knowles, would you like to follow me to get gowned up?" one of the nurses asked.

"I'm not-" he began to stammer out nervously, but Tara saved him.

"He isn't the father. Nobody will be with me in there," Tara said, wincing at her own words. _Nobody will be with me…_

The nurses looked from her to Kozik to Gemma, but quickly grabbed the rails of her bed and rolled her to the OB delivery room.

Jax

Jax made his way to the visitation room, surrounded by guards and other inmates expecting visitors. He knew Tara wouldn't be there having just had Thomas, so he wasn't as excited as he normally was on visitation days.

He spotted Opie and smiled as he made his way towards his best friend.

"Orange looks good on you," Opie said, smirking as Jax flipped him the finger.

"How is Tara?" Jax asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table in front of him.

"Fine. She is recovering good, I guess," Opie said, shrugging, "I checked in on her a couple times this week. She has Gemma and Kozik there most of the time to help with Thomas and Abel."

Jax's jaw clenched as Opie brought up Kozik. That guy seemed to be around Tara a lot lately.

"What?" Opie said, amused when he caught the look flash across Jax's face.

"What do you think about that guy Kozik?" Jax asked.

Opie shrugged and said, "He put in a transfer to Samcro again."

"Yeah," Jax said, rolling that around in his head. If he wanted to put a pin in that, he could. But Kozik was a good club member and he was smart. He would be good for the club.

"What vibe do you get from him though?" Jax asked, hoping Opie knew what he meant.

"_Vibe_?" Opie asked, chuckling, "What is your beef with Kozik all of a sudden?"

Jax sighed, rubbing his face and said, "He just seems a little close to Tara."

Jax studied his friend's reaction. Opie was lost in thought and said, "She just had your baby. And Kozik has been really good to her, taking care of her, Abel and Thomas while you have been here."

Jax clenched his teeth again, angry that he couldn't be there with his family. He didn't want Kozik fulfilling his role.

"I know," he bit out, "But _why_? Nobody put him on that job."

Opie shrugged and asked, "Why question it...oooohh, you think he is after your old lady?"

Jax looked at Opie and Opie could tell Jax was murderous at the thought.

"Brother, I am sure it isn't like that," Opie said reassuringly, "Tara is a good girl and a good old lady. She would never run around on you."

Jax knew that. She had told him that here, during their first visit. But what Opie didn't know was that Tara considered them broken up….did that mean she was...Jax was literally seething at the thought.

Jax asked, "Keep an eye on it, will you? I trust Tara, I just don't know him well enough to trust him."

Opie nodded and said, "Sure thing, brother."

For the rest of their time, they talked club business.

A silence fell over the table and Opie leaned forward and asked cautiously, "Do you think it's worth it? The club?"

Jax looked at Opie in confusion. It wasn't his first time questioning his participation in the club.

"Being here, you mean?" Jax asked, gesturing to his orange prison outfit.

Opie shrugged and said, "All of it. The time you are serving, the sacrifices you are making as a father and….whatever the hell you and Tara are. Is it worth it?"

Jax didn't know how to reply to that question. Was it worth it? This thing he had dedicated his life to. Thoughts like that were considered traitorous, but between him and Opie it wasn't something he had to worry about.

"I think about Donna...and I wonder if I had stayed away from the club like she asked me to, she wouldn't be dead. My kids would have a mother," Opie said, a haunted look passing his features that caused Jax to shudder.

Jax suddenly remembered his dream about the night Donna was killed, but instead it had been Tara...it had been...there was no words to describe that pain.

"I do think about it," Jax said, even though he hadn't really. He had been having a lot of nightmares...each person that he killed, each person they found dead ended up being Tara, causing him to spiral into a depression and state of terror. Poor Bobby was practically nursing Jax night by night through the nightmares.

He had never blamed the club for his nightmares. He just thought...he missed Tara. But as he looked at his best friend, who lost the love of his life to the club, he realized that it could easily be Tara...or Abel...or Thomas. It shook him to his core.

Jax shuddered and Opie looked up at him and smiled sadly, "I can see you do."

"You tell Piney all this?" Jax asked.

Opie shook his head and said, "Dad...he isn't as committed to the club either right now. I don't know why. Maybe because Clay is at the head of the table. But if I stepped away, my old man wouldn't probably even notice and not just because he is a drunk."

"I know the money isn't worth it," Opie said, "If it was, I wouldn't regret leaving a shit paying job if it meant I got Donna back. My family back."

Jax looked Opie over, never wanting to have that look on his face...regret, pain, sorrow. Opie said it was because the club took everything he loved from him.

Jax sighed and said, "Sorry it's been so heavy on you, man."

Opie shrugged and the guard called time way too early for him. Jax looked to the guard in confusion, looking for an explanation.

"You have another visitor, Teller," the guard informed him and for a minute, his heart beat in excitement, thinking it might be Tara. When his mother walked through the door, he couldn't hide his disappointment.

"I will leave you to catch up with your mom," Opie said standing and hugging Jax. Jax patted him on the back and said, "Thanks for coming, brother, and look in on Tara for me," he said seriously.

Opie nodded and patted Gemma's shoulder as he passed and walked out of the visitation room.

"Hi baby," Gemma said, hugging him tightly.

"Hi mom," Jax asked, "This is a surprise."

"I thought I would pop down real quick," she said, sitting, looking comfortable. She had been here many times and would probably be here many more.

"How is Tara?" he asked.

"She did real good, baby," Gemma said, smiling, "And Thomas...he is perfect."

Jax smiled and Gemma produced a little stack of photos of Tara holding Thomas in the hospital bed, looking down at him, so in love with their baby.

"He is perfect," he murmured, touching the image of his newborn son.

"Abel is so proud to be a big brother," Gemma said as Jax flipped through the photos, stopping on one.

He literally saw red. The picture was of Tara holding Thomas, and Kozik holding Abel in the hospital, smiling at the camera.

"Yeah, Kozik has been keeping close since you been away. I think he has a little crush on your old lady," she said teasingly, but Jax wasn't amused.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked, flipping to a picture of just the two of them.

Gemma shrugged, sensing he was serious, and replied, "I talked to Tara about it. She said they were friends."

"Friends?" Jax said in disbelief.

"Yeah," Gemma said, "She compared it to me and Tiggy."

Jax shook his head throwing the stack of photos down in disgust.

"What's going on, baby?" Gemma asked gently.

Jax looked up and said, "Tara and I are taking a break while I am in here."

Gemma fixed him with a confused looked and said, "That doesn't seem too smart. Was that her idea or yours?"

Jax remained silent and in a low voice, Gemma said, "Shit."

"It was before I even got pinched," Jax said.

"This have to do with that porn slut? Ima?" Gemma asked, "That was a bad mistake. The sting of that betrayal doesn't just go away, especially for girls like Tara."

Jax nodded.

"You need to make this right. For you family, Jackson," Gemma said, "Because...Tara won't wait around for you to get your shit together."

"I know," Jax said in a clipped response, beyond irritated by his mother.

They were silent for a few minutes and Gemma finally said, "Well you don't have to worry about Kozik."

Jax looked up in surprise at his mother's words and quirked an eyebrow in question.

"Tara loves you," Gemma said, "The only reason she has stuck around Samcro so long is because of that. She isn't going to stay for someone that isn't you."

Jax thought about it and realized it was true. Tara hated the life. He hardly thought she would go for someone else tied to Samcro. _No_, Jax thought, _She only stuck around because of you...because of your history together. _The thought saddened and comforted him at the same time.

Jax sighed in relief, but was stopped short by a nagging voice in the back of his head_, Tara is around for Abel and Thomas. If it weren't for them, she would be gone._

Jax rubbed his face, hiding the fear in his eyes from his mother.

"Just behave yourself in here, baby," Gemma said, sensing Jax was losing it, "Behave and come back to your old lady and kids as soon as possible. And behave then too," she said, with a small smile on her face.

Jax returned it, but didn't feel it. The visitations today had not gone good.

When the guard called "Time!" Jax was mostly relieved. Opie and his mom hadn't done much but instill more fear and anxiety in him.

Jax was led back to his cell, clutching the photos in his hand. On top was a picture of Tara holding Thomas with a smiling Abel curled onto his side, touching Thomas's chubby little arm possessively...the look on his face clearly said,_ I am his big brother!_

Jackson looked at his family and knew he would do anything..._anything_ to keep them a family. Including leaving Samcro. As he looked at his sons, he knew he didn't want this life for them. He didn't want them in a jail cell like this. So Jax knew hard decisions were going to have to be made to prevent that from happening.

**Please review your thoughts. I am not getting as good a response to this story as I had hoped, going off my other story for this couple. So I am wondering if I should put a pin in it and focus more on the other one…? Eek, I am conflicted, so let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone! I hope you had a good weekend! I decided to continue this story for a bit. Hope all you out there who have read it are enjoying it!**

**Enjoy!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 4

Jax

Jax waited in line for the phones, growing anxious as he caught the eyes of some of the other inmates. Clay was in line and so was Juice, so he knew he at least had some backup if something went down.

Jax inched closer and closer to the phone, biting the inside of his lip. He needed to talk to Tara. She had been writing him letters, and even though she wrote about Thomas and Abel, there was hardly anything about herself or how she was doing.

That wasn't what freaked Jax out though...Tara hadn't showed up for a visitation like she had said she would. Their first visitation since the baby was born.

Jax needed to get to that phone to see what was going on. Clay and Juice eyed him, knowing he was desperate to speak with Tara.

Jax quickly dialed their house number, knowing she should be home with the kids.

The line rang three times before being picked up, but Tara didn't answer.

"Teller residence," someone answered...a guy.

"Kozik?" Jax asked, through gritted teeth.

"Jax? Hey, man, how you been?" Kozik said, his tone friendly.

"Peachy, where's my old lady?" Jax asked.

"Oh, you missed her, she is out tonight. Asked me to keep an eye on the kids for a few hours," Kozik said.

"Out where?" Jax asked, annoyed. Where the hell could she be so late?

"I don't know man. She called and I came over. Putting the little rugrats to bed now, actually. You want to say 'hi' to Abel?" Kozik asked. God this guy was friendly...shit it was hard to hate someone who was so nice.

"Yeah," Jax said, sighing. Where the fuck was Tara? Did she get called into the hospital?

Abel's voice came on the line and he babbled until Jax clearly made out the word 'daddy'.

Jax smiled, feeling better, "Hey Abel. You being a good boy?"

More babble and Jax swore he felt the depression and anxiety slip away as he listened to Abel try and string intelligible sentences together.

"Tell Mommy and Thomas I say 'hi', okay?" Jax said, knowing if he didn't cut him off soon, Abel could go all night.

"Unc Koz," Abel said, his voice distant now. _Uncle Koz? _Jax closed his eyes as he listened for Kozik to come on the line.

"Hey, so should I tell Tara you called?" Kozik asked, clearly feeling awkward.

"Yeah, I guess, man," Jax said, closing his eyes and sighing in disappointment as he hung up the pay phone.

Jax made his way back to his block's open area. He grabbed a seat, eyes wary as he spotted Tig and Bobby making his way over. He nodded and they sat, glancing around the block's common area and asked, "Talk to Tara?" Bobby asked casually.

Jax shook his head, "Wasn't home from the hospital yet."

Bobby nodded, a flash of sympathy shooting across his face. Bobby knew how important it was for Jax to see and hear from Tara. The longer he went without her, the more frequent and potent his nightmares were at night. Bobby had to go through all that with Jax.

"Sorry, brother," Tig said, but quickly changed the topic, "Aryans are talking to the Russians again," getting back to business. The business behind bars..._who is trying to kill you and your crew today_?

Jax rubbed his forehead, his mind going from dealing with the Russians to thinking about Tara. He pushed Tara out of his mind for a while, knowing he needed to keep himself alive and the rest of Samcro.

As they were locked in their cells for the night, Bobby asked, "Are you worried?"

_Always_, Jax thought. He was always worried. About Samcro staying whole while in Stockton, about Tara, about the boys… he was worried all the time. It never stopped.

"Yeah," he answered, because it was true, "But we'll get through it." No matter what they were talking about, Jax knew that was also the truth.

"I meant with the Doc," Bobby said, shocking the hell out of Jax.

"What do you mean?" Jax asked.

"You haven't seen from her in months, or talked to her lately. She hasn't been saying anything in the letters to put you at ease...you are tense as hell," Bobby observed.

"If you had two sons on the outside, you would be too," Jax answered defensively.

"Yeah, maybe," Bobby answered, "But you need Tara. Simple as that, brother."

Jax sighed, knowing he was right.

Jax had now been locked up for five months. He still had nine months to go, and that was if he was granted parole after 14 months. If any club bullshit came up and the club got into it while inside, he could be looking at years..._years_ away from Tara and the boys.

He couldn't do it. He would go insane. Jax rolled onto his side so Bobby couldn't see the weakling that Tara made him.

After grumbling, Bobby went to sleep and Jax lay awake, looking at the collage of photos by his bed. Tara smiling at him in the pictures showing him she could be happy without him. Tara and the boys' lives would go on even if he was in here. He felt left behind, but it wasn't their fault.

Jax decided then and there he needed an exit strategy from the club. The club might need Jax, but Tara and the boys...they were more important and they needed him more. Almost as much as Jax needed them.

Jax stroked the image of Tara and the boys that had been taken in the park, probably by that fucker Kozik. Tara bounced Thomas on her lap, laughing at the camera, while Abel hugged her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. All of them looked so happy...Jax wanted to be there.

And he would.

Tara

After dropping the kids off at home and arranging for Kozik to watch them for a few hours, Tara had left work and gone to Piney, needing some insight.

She needed to see him about the letters. As she leafed through them, she knew they were dangerous. Tara would need to tread very carefully. A new enemy appeared on the horizon she had never predicted to have. Gemma, yes. Clay, no. With Clay at the gavel, they were all in danger. And Gemma knew...it made her heart skip in fear. This woman was in contact with her sons every day, and even though Tara knew she would never intentionally hurt her grandsons, Gemma was dangerous.

Tara had found the letters, just the other night by accident.

Tara slept in the nursery with Thomas. Most nights Abel would come crawl into bed with her, which she had to admit, she also preferred. She just didn't feel right sleeping in Jax's room when they weren't together. She also didn't think she could handle it...it would make her sad.

For the first few months, Gemma would find it odd that Jax's bedroom remain untouched, the door closed. She would question Tara about it frequently, but by the second month, Gemma must have suspected the reason behind Tara's sleeping arrangements or have been told by Jax that they were no longer officially together.

Either way, Tara was relieved not to have to answer her questions.

The day she found the letters, Abel, on a sugar high from hell thanks to one of the prospects, ripped through the house including Jax's room. When she got home from work she went through the house, cleaning up the havoc her son had caused. That's when she found the bag...with the letters. Jax must have forgotten the bag...leaving it unpacked, full of dirty laundry (gross) and its hidden secret, the bundle of love letters from John Teller to Maureen Ashby.

_Did he know? Had he read them?_ she asked herself, but quickly knew the answer. No. If he did, Clay would be dead and Gemma feeling the pain of Jax's wrath.

Tara cleared the room up as much as she could, resolved to do Jax's old laundry and dust and vacuum one of the days she was free and willing. She then took the stack of letters and read them all night, with Thomas asleep in the crib across the room and Abel sleeping, snuggled into her side.

Now, she needed answers. JT, the founder of the Sons, had nine co-founders. Only two lived that Tara knew of. Clay, who the letters condemned, and Piney, JT's best friend and confidant,

Piney was the logical choice, and after stashing the letters in her desk at work, she left to go ask Piney...God, she didn't even know how to ask him about all this shit. What she should do with the information?

Tara spotted Piney, sitting at a table eating something that wasn't on his diet and drinking dark liquor…how Piney lived was still a mystery to Tara. Her doctor brain wanted to study him.

"Doc, Gemma's in the office," he said, gesturing towards the office.

"Came looking for you, actually," Tara said. Piney smiled, but shrugged, gesturing for her to sit.

"You okay?" he asked, concerned.

Tara nodded as she wondered how she wanted to say what she needed, or rather ask what she needed to know.

Her silence prompted Piney to offer her food and drinks, which she waved off.

"I was wondering about JT, Piney," Tara began nervously, "Specifically his death."

Piney straightened up and a look of surprise filled his face.

"I know you were one of John's closer friends...I guess I am wondering if you ever thought...maybe...that JT's death wasn't an accident? That it was...intentional in some way."

Piney looked at her for a few moments, his face blank and Tara tried to stop herself from shaking in fear.

"Why are you asking me this?" Piney whispered in a gruff voice.

Tara didn't know if she should tell him about the letters...not tell him.

"I read something of John's," Tara said, "And in it...I don't know I got a sense that he suspected an enemy was out for him...towards the end of his life."

Piney was silent, setting his knife down gently on the table.

"Whatever I tell you, what is it you hope to accomplish? If JT was killed...and that is a big if, because as far as I know, JT was hit by a semi...what good could come out of your questions?" Piney asked, his voice holding a slight edge to it that made Tara waver in her resolve to get the truth.

"I just...I want the whole story, I guess. For Jax, for my sons, and for me," Tara said evasively.

Piney sighed and said, "The past is the past, no good can come out of digging it up, especially when it comes to the club. Okay, sweetheart? Think about Jax and your boys and know...the past could hurt them more than it could help them."

Tara looked at him, wondering if it was a threat. It sure sounded like one. Piney stood, grabbing his plate and glass of liquor and walked to the bar for a refill, leaving Tara with her thoughts.

She knew then...she needed to hide the letters. She couldn't have them in her home...or her work. They were dangerous. Piney had just closed club ranks on her so fast at the mere mention of JT and the way he had gone out.

Tara raced to the hospital, taking the letters out of her desk and stuffing them in her purse. As she locked up her office, someone called out to her, causing her to jump a foot off the ground.

"Whoa, sorry to startle you, Dr. Knowles," James Waddell said, steadying her.

Tara put her hand over her racing heart and smiled at him in relief. She had met James through Margaret. They both worked in hospital administration and he had been on the recruitment team that got her to come back to Charming.

"I heard you had your baby. Congratulations, Dr. Knowles," James said kindly.

"Tara, please," she smiled back.

"Thomas, right? That's what Margaret told me?" he asked, genuinely interested.

Tara nodded and Tara began to leave, but James stopped her.

"I don't mean to...come off as forward, Tara," James said, "But I was wondering...if you would be interested in getting some dinner with me one night?"

Tara's mouth dropped open in shock. James was the biggest catch at the hospital, recently divorced. Tara never thought he would go for someone like her, especially because for the last five months she resembled a whale.

"I...I…" Tara stammered, not knowing what to say. She wasn't with Jax, but...oh God, this wasn't supposed to be happening. Wasn't motherhood supposed to make women less attractive to men?

"Just think about it," he said, giving her a small reassuring smile, "I think we could have a good time."

Tara nodded and smiled. "I will, thanks James," as he walked down the hall. She had to admit...he was good looking. He was no Jax Teller, but he had his own appeal. He was smart, tall, dark, and handsome...he wasn't the bad boy type. Complete opposite of Jax Teller.

Tara shook her head, clearing it of James and her love life. She needed to get these letters somewhere nobody would think to look for them.

Tara drove around until an idea hit her. She drove to the storage unit she had rented after moving her dad's crap out and put the important stuff, like legal paperwork, birth and death certificates, etc. in here. She never came here. One day she would get rid of this junk, but today, she was happy she had the unit. Nobody would ever think to look here. Hell, nobody knew she had it.

Tara looked around quickly, locating where she wanted to stash the letters.

She put them underneath a pile of boxes and quickly closed the storage unit. She then glanced around, paranoid she was being watched.

She made her way home quickly, eager to get back to her sons.

She walked in and Kozik was lying on the couch drinking beer and flipping through the channels.

"Kozik, how many times do I have to tell you, please make yourself comfortable," Tara teased, tossing her purse on the coffee table.

Kozik smiled and said, "Where'd you go so quick?"

Tara shrugged and said, "Work thing."

"Uh-huh," Kozik said, in a tone that sounded like he didn't believe her.

Tara playfully punched him in the shoulder and said, "Boys asleep?"

"Yep," Kozik replied, focusing on the TV again, "Thomas went down quick, but Abel cried for you until he was too exhausted to keep it up."

Tara smiled, kicking her boots off.

"My little man," she murmured tiredly.

"Jax called," Kozik said, causing Tara to sit up straight.

"Is he okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, talked to Abel for a bit, then told me to tell you he called," Kozik informed.

Tara sighed and leaned back on the couch.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Forget you had a phone date?" Kozik asked.

"No," Tara responded, tired and sounding like it, "Kozik, this stays between us. Understand?"

Kozik nodded and sat up.

"Jax and I...we are on a break," Tara said, watching Kozik's eyes.

"Does Jax know that?" Kozik asked.

Tara nodded, "It happened before he went in. I...I caught him cheating on me."

Kozik stiffened uncomfortably, and Tara knew it was because he couldn't say anything against his VP. Tara's reaction...well, it wasn't typical for the life of an old lady. Old ladies beat down the chicks and warned their men not do it again...and again...and again. What Tara had done, ending it with Jax, it never happened. Separations like hers and Jax's were rare.

"Well for being split," Kozik said, rubbing the back of his head, "You both are handling it well. Keeping it under wraps too. That for the boys' sake?"

Tara shrugged and said, "Not sure why Jax wants it that way. At first it was to get us through the adoption without much interference from Gemma, but now...I'm not sure," Tara finished.

Kozik smiled to himself, as if enjoying a personal joke. "What?" Tara asked.

"He loves you, doesn't want anyone making a move on you, so he tells you not to tell anyone," Kozik said.

Tara shook her head and said, "I don't think that's it."

"Why then?" Kozik challenged.

Tara thought about it, but came up blank.

"Unless," Kozik said, thinking himself, "Unless he wanted to make sure you had club protection."

A light turned on and Tara knew that was the reason, "Of course."

Kozik nodded and said, "But I don't think that's the reason. Jax called you his old lady tonight on the phone."

Tara rolled her eyes and said, "Habit. I am _not _his old lady."

Kozik rolled his eyes back and said, "Okay," in a sarcastic tone, leaning back down on the couch and focusing back on the TV.

"I'm not," she said adamantly, "I have a date coming up."

Kozik looked up in surprise at that and said, "With?"

"He works with me, I am sure you wouldn't know him," Tara said, standing.

"Does Jax know?" Kozik asked

Tara shrugged and said, "I haven't gotten around to telling him. It's not that big of a deal."

Kozik only chuckled, shaking his head.

Tara sighed in exasperation and decided she was tired of this conversation.

"I am going to bed," Tara said, yawning, "See yourself out or crash here, whatever you want."

Kozik nodded and Tara trudged to the back bedrooms. She peeked into Abel's room, finding it empty. She looked in Thomas' room and noted that her little man bypassed his room and 'big boy bed' altogether.

Tara walked into the room, quickly changing and climbing in beside Abel, who latched onto her immediately. She snuggled under the covers with him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his hair, smiling as she fell asleep.

**Sooo...does Kozik have feelings for Tara? What say all of you? Now Gemma and Jax suspect it. And what about James? What do you think will happen when Tara dates Jax's polar opposite?**

**Review and thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone! I kept reading and then rewriting this chapter...I don't know why it was hard for me to write. **

**Anyway, I want to thank all of the readers out there who have reviewed or messaged me. It's great to get feedback, both good and bad, so thank you. I also want to thank everyone who is following this story. It means a lot that you all are sticking around. **

**I have a couple more ideas for these two brewing (I am so glad I got into this show...and it was all because of a reader request!). So I might mess around with those stories too while writing these.**

**Enjoy this long chapter everyone!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 5

Tara

Going out With James

Pros:

_Handsome_

_Successful_

_Intelligent_

_Common Interests (Medicine)_

_Not Affiliated (at all) with Samcro...does he even know what Samcro is?_

_Fresh Start….?_

_New chance…? _

_Happiness…?_

Could Tara be happy with anyone but Jax? She frowned at the thought. She knew she would never love anyone as much as she loved Jax._ But technically, it isn't a date_, she argued with herself.

James hadn't brought up dating again and Tara had been relieved because whenever she did start to think about it, she panicked and refocused her energy on something, _anything_, else. Like cleaning out the fridge at two in the morning.

But this morning he walked up to her at the Neonatal ICU and asked her if she would "accompany" him (his words, not hers) to a benefit being held by the hospital. She asked if they could go as friends and he had agreed, his smile friendly.

Tara knew it was silly, but the idea of getting out for a night...dressing up in formal wear and sipping champagne with intelligent adults...it appealed to Tara more than she liked. She loved her children, but after a while it would be nice not to smell like spit up and Spaghetti-O's. Or watch Cartoonland on loop.

It would be nice to put on a nice dress. She needed to feel like a woman, not a mommy...just for a few hours. And it was for a good cause..._technically_ it could be classified as a work thing. Tara was all about the technicalities it seemed as she started on her con list...

Cons:

_Jax_

_Really...Jax. _

_Hurting Jax_

_Betraying Jax_

_Moving on from Jax (could it even be done?)_

_Abel and Thomas_

_Would James care that she had two kids...with a Samcro member?_

_Samcro _

_Was it the best time to start dating?_

Tara crumpled up the paper and tossed it over her shoulder and rested her elbows on her desk. She rubbed her eyes. Tara had been on call last night and ended up staying at the hospital for the night.

Elyda was due any minute to drop the kids off.

Tara shuffled the papers on her desk until she found her schedule, looking it over. As she ran through her list, she noted a day that had crept up on her. Visitation Day was tomorrow. She had missed last week already so she knew missing this week was not happening. Especially since she hadn't been in so long.

The weeks leading up to Thomas being born, Tara had been put on mandatory bed rest, making visits impossible. Then the lengthy recovery from labor...and raising her two hellraisers on her own exhausted her.

Missing the visit hadn't been intentional, but as it rolled around she couldn't go...she was sick, catching a cold from Abel, and exhausted from caring for Thomas round the clock.

Tara called to confirm her time with the prison for her and her sons' visit. Once that was done, she called Kozik and asked if he could drive them like he had before. He had said he was already planning on it and they hung up.

A knock on the door alerted her to Elyda's arrival and she called out, "It's open!"

When Gemma stepped inside the office with Thomas and Abel, she frowned in confusion. She didn't let it stop her from smiling as Abel called out, "Mommy!" and ran towards her.

Tara hugged him, kissing all over his face causing him to giggle adorably. Tara set him down and he immediately went to the corner of the room where she kept toys and a small table so he could color.

Gemma smiled as she handed Thomas over along with a nursing blanket and said, "How was last night?"

"Good," Tara said shrugging, "I thought Elyda was bringing them."

"I stopped by on my way to the garage, told her I would drop our munchkins off," Gemma said waving Tara a hand before sitting down in one of the chairs.

"Going to the visitation tomorrow?" Gemma asked, looking at Tara... actually, looking for something Tara realized.

"Yes, of course," Tara said, looking down at the papers on her desk.

"Oh, good. You just haven't been able to go, I was making sure you were up to it," Gemma said, her look still not off.

"Well, I confirmed our visit tomorrow already," Tara said as if she didn't notice Gemma's mood. She was familiar with this mood. Either Tara was on dangerous ground with her, or she was about to be.

Gemma nodded and studied Tara in the way that caused her to squirm. Something was definitely up…

"Something wrong Gemma?" Tara asked, trying to prevent the shake in her voice.

Gemma leaned forward and said, "Jax told me that you are taking a break."

_Pow! Right on the head Gemma_, Tara thought.

Tara nodded and said, "We decided before he even went in."

"'_We'?" _Gemma asked, raising an eyebrow, "Jax seemed like he didn't want it."

"Well...Gemma...what do you want me to say?" Tara asked, leaning back in her chair, pissed that Gemma was interfering in her and Jax's relationship again.

"He slept with Ima, screamed that I wasn't part of your family, and told me that if I wanted to be an old lady I needed to obey him and do whatever the fuck I am told," Tara seethed angrily.

Gemma was shocked at her blunt tone, but Tara continued, "Those three things...yeah, I would say a break is necessary. And that's not even all the shit that's gone down since Abel was taken."

Gemma seemed to consider what she was saying then nodded and said, "I get it, sweetheart. It's hard, especially when they are inside and they can't work out this shit."

Tara nodded, shocked Gemma was being so understanding...but she could sense it coming...the BUT that was coming in Gemma's speech.

"But?" Tara prompted, getting impatient. Gemma was always trying to work something.

"No _but_, I just want you to think about Thomas and Abel," Gemma said, "They need their father. _And _their mother." Tara didn't like how she had become an afterthought...

"I am always thinking about Thomas and Abel," Tara replied, trying to keep the anger from her voice. If she was _really _a good mom, she would figure a way to keep them away from Samcro. Since they had gotten Abel back...even before that ...ever since Tara started to consider Abel hers, she had been brainstorming ways to stay in Charming and raise him and Thomas without Samcro being their future.

"You know….there _is _the prison clause," Gemma said, eyeing Tara for any reaction. She was fishing to see if Tara knew...well, she didn't.

"Prison clause? What do you mean?" Tara asked, racking her brain for what that could be. If Gemma was referring to conjugal visits the answer was absolutely not.

"Jax didn't tell you about the prison clause?" Gemma asked, smirking to herself, as if enjoying a joke.

Tara shook her head, eyeing Gemma..._oh God_….she had joked about Bobby being Jax's prison wife...but what if..._oh fuck_….she couldn't get past that... _ever!_

"You know if one of the members with old ladies gets time, the old lady has a pass on fooling around...the prison clause," Gemma said, crossing her legs, raising an eyebrow as if she was giving Tara a gift.

_What?!_ "E-excuse me?" Tara stammered out in shock.

Gemma only nodded slowly and Tara's head spun. God damn, this life just got more and more fucked up each day.

"I...I don't even know how to respond to that," Tara said.

"Well, think about it," Gemma said, "It's a way for you to be with Jax and...get through the time when he is inside."

Tara shook her head. No, she could never do that..._never_.

"I don't need a prison clause, Gemma," Tara said, leaning forward, "We are broken up. If I want to fuck someone, I can. Right now, I am too busy, tired, sick...to even think about _that_."

Gemma sighed and said, "Jax is miserable. I can see it in his face. Bobby told me he has been having nightmares every night. About you and the boys."

Tara gasped and said, "What? Why didn't he tell _me_?"

"Nobody wanted make it worse for you...this separation," Gemma said softly.

Tara's eyes welled with tears, hearing Jax was having such a hard time. _Oh Jax…._

She was glad tomorrow was visitation day.

"Bobby said the only thing that helps is seeing you and hearing from you," Gemma said, pursing her lips.

Tara nodded absentmindedly as Abel walked over to her and handed her a toy airplane. She accepted the toy with a watery smile and whispered, "Thank you, Abel."

Abel walked away from her after a second of smiling up at her and Tara focused on Gemma again.

"I...this administrator asked me out," Tara said, inhaling deeply, "I thought about it, but I don't want to hurt Jax."

"So...I take it this wouldn't be you using the prison clause," Gemma said quietly, "You would be looking for something more with...the administrator?"

Tara nodded slowly, saying, "I told you I am not doing the damn prison clause."

Gemma looked pissed, "How can you even think about anyone besides Jax right now and how much hurt he is in?"

Tara flinched at the shaming, accusatory tone.

"I...Gemma we aren't together," Tara said, trying to get her to understand, "I don't want him to find out some other way."

Gemma seemed to relax, but she shot Tara a hateful look. Gemma was fiercely protective of her son and grandsons...even if it was Tara.

"Don't tell him," Gemma murmured, looking down at her lap, "It would kill him."

Tara blanched and said, "I don't understand why it would kill him. Jax-"

"He _loves _you!" Gemma snapped angrily, "He fucked the porn slut, but he didn't do it to hurt you. He wanted to prevent things like you getting kidnapped, or you losing your medical license, or getting you killed. That's why he fucked that whore."

_I barely see their faces...there's only face I see!_

Tara shook her head, not understanding the logic behind that decision, but she had to admit...they weren't logical decisions. They were emotional...the Teller/Morrow family were emotional thinkers, not methodical.

Gemma stood and grabbed her purse from the floor, "Date the administrator, but please don't tell my son...it would only hurt him more than he is already hurting."

With that she swept from the office and Tara sighed, resting her hands against her face. Thomas jumped as the door slammed and began to wail. Tara picked him up from the stroller, soothing him until he was quiet.

Abel walked over and awkwardly climbed in her lap, looking at her and Thomas anxiously.

She tried to smile at him, but she failed miserably. Some days, her beautiful boy looked too much like Jax.

Jax

Jax paced anxiously in the cell block, his eyes sweeping for trouble, while checking on each Samcro member to make sure they were safe.

He was excited. Soon..._soon_ he would see Tara. He had called the house last night and she promised her and the boys would be at Stockton in the morning.

He waited for the guards to call him, angrily glaring at the clock, willing it to go faster. Was she here already? Going through security with the boys?

"Son, you keep pacing that floor, they are going to think you are trying to wear through the prison foundation as a means of escape," Clay said, smirking at him.

Jax scowled at him and Tig said, "Lay off him, he hasn't see his old lady in months."

Bobby's eyes followed Jax as he paced, knowing how much he needed this visit. He needed his family.

Opie and Gemma had been to see him, but that didn't help. If anything, it reminded him how poor a substitute they were for Tara, Abel, and Thomas.

Bobby looked over at Jax and in an attempt to distract him asked, "Hey how is Tara going to take your new ink?"

Jax had recently asked Bobby to place Thomas' name on his left forearm in the same gothic script that Abel's had been in over his heart.

It had turned out better than he had hoped, especially done with a janky, crude tattoo machine made out of a fountain pen. Amazingly it didn't get infected.

Jax shrugged and said, "Probably pissed that it could have gotten infected...she'll get over it."

The guys chuckled and all were jawing around when a guard entered the block and called names for visitations. Jax was the first in line, his hands in front of him should they request to cuff him.

Surprisingly they didn't to Jax's relief which took too much time. Clay, Juice, and Tig chuckled at Jax's eager behavior. Jax didn't even care. It took everything in him not to sprint to the visitation room.

When the guard unlocked the final gate, he bounded in, taking the table where he usually sat to wait for Tara. The guard barked at him to settle down and Jax immediately complied, not wanting to get his visiting rights temporarily revoked.

Jax drummed his fingers on the table, his eyes focused on the door eagerly.

Suddenly the large beep sounded that the gate would be opening to allow the visitors in and they filed in one after the other. He barely acknowledged his mom pass through the doors, and when Tara came in carrying the new baby Thomas in one arm and holding Abel's hand with her other, she quickly made her way to him...well as fast as Abel's little legs would allow.

Jax beamed at his family, the depressing ice melting from his heart. Tara looked beautiful...fuckable as ever. She was in a pair of jeans and a yellow baby doll top that he guessed helped her hide the remaining baby weight. He thought she looked so healthy and gorgeous.

Someone like Tara didn't belong in a room like this...it reminded Jax of his plan...to leave Samcro...so Tara and their sons would never have to come to a place like this again. His eyes reluctantly left Tara and landed on his firstborn son, who waved at him with his little arm, his fingers splayed. He could see Abel had been doing watercolors again, by looking at his sleeves.

Lastly he looked to the tiny bundle in Tara's arms. She held him proudly and protectively against her, cooing to the baby while keeping her eyes to Jax.

When she reached him he picked Abel up, smiling at him broadly, "You've gotten so big, little man."

Abel tapped Jax's chin, babbling and throwing in random words like cereal and toy.

Jax chuckled and pulled Tara close with his free arm. She wrapped her free arm around him tightly and whispered against his chest, "I have missed you, Jax. Are you okay?"

He just hugged her tighter, never wanting to let her go. He shuddered as one of his more recent nightmares flashed in his head. Tara lying dead at his feet, in a pool of blood.

"Oh, Jax," Tara gasped out, tears thick in her voice, thinking the worst scenarios for him because of that shudder.

"Shhh, I am just so happy to see you," Jax whispered, pulling away, running his free hand down her cheek lovingly.

Tara wiped her tears, as if embarrassed by them.

"Thomas...want to meet Daddy?" she asked the baby in a sing song voice as she handed him over after Jax set Abel down. Thomas fussed at first, but settled down immediately as Jax looked down into his face.

"Hey Thomas, hi buddy," he cooed to the baby. The baby stuck his tongue out at Jax as he yawned and Jax could help but laugh at his son's antics.

"He's perfect," he said truthfully as he tore his gaze away from the little bundle and looked to Tara.

Tara smiled and nodded, running her hand gently over Thomas' navy blue Sons of Anarchy hat.

"Teller!" the guard hollered, telling Jax it was time to break up the greeting. Jax glared at the guard, _Really asshole? I was saying hi to a baby, not dry humping my old lady._

Jax reluctantly set Thomas in the carrier a guard had carried for Tara and set it on the table so he could touch Thomas' feet, tickling them with his fingers.

His eyes bounced between the baby in front of him to Abel, who played with Tara's hair, occasionally sticking a chunk in his mouth (which Tara didn't seem to notice), and finally to Tara who looked at him, her eyes filled with concern. She reached across the table and he took her hand in his and squeezed it, trying to reassure her.

He glanced at Thomas then focused on Tara, and said, "I am sorry I wasn't there."

She nodded, looking down at the table. He could tell she had feelings about it, but she chose not to say anything. Maybe because of where they were or because she didn't want to yell at him while he was here...he knew he deserved anything she had to say about it. He should have been there to see Thomas come into the world. To hold Tara's hand.

"I promise...I will _never _miss anything like this again," Jax said, hoping she believed him. He had made promise after promise to Tara since they were teens and each time he failed her. This time...he wouldn't.

Tara gave him a small smile and nodded, squeezing her hand.

"How have you been?" he asked, desperate to know.

Tara shrugged and said, "I am back at work. Your mom and Elyda have been really helpful. So has Kozik and Opie. They have been around a lot lately."

Jax tamped down the feeling of anger at hearing Kozik's name and reminded himself she had also mentioned Opie. Ope wouldn't let shit happen.

Jax nodded and said, "Good, but how are _you_?" he asked, emphasizing his question.

Tara sighed and said, "I am ...confused. Tired."

Jax looked at her in concern and asked, "Are you sure going back to work is the best thing now?"

Tara shook her head and said, "I am not sure of anything."

Jax didn't like the sound of that. Not. At. All.

"How can I help?" Jax asked, squeezing her hand to know he was there.

Tara remained silent, looking down at the table. When she looked at him the pain in Jax's heart...it was too much almost. Her eyes were hard and cold. Her jaw set. He had never seen her this...worked up and pissed.

"You can't. You can't help because you are _here_. I can't get over all the shit that happened before all this...and I can't move on from you," Tara said, tears filling her beautiful eyes...it broke his heart. Her words hurt to hear.

"You want to move on?" Jax asked, clenching his jaw and releasing her hand from his.

Tara rolled her eyes and said, "You don't get what I am saying."

"Then _tell _me," Jax said, angrily, "It's hard for me to understand when you don't write, you don't visit, and you put the babies on the phone every time I call!"

Tara shook her head and inhaled deeply as she hugged Abel closer, who looked up at her trying to get her full attention.

_Get in line, kid_, Jax thought to Abel as he waited for Tara to talk. Had she made up her mind? Was she done? Walking away, but staying close to torment him?

"Tara-"

"I got asked out," Tara blurted out, looking at Jax then dropping her gaze, "He is a nice guy, makes good money, normal, intelligent...I can't even say yes to him though. Not without thinking about you."

Jax looked at his hands on the table and wondered what to do. What to say. Did she want his approval? Did she want to hurt him? Make him jealous? Or was she trying to convince both of them that this guy...that this guy was the better choice for her?

"You have to stop punishing me, Tara," Jax finally said softly, pleading, "I have apologized. I will again, I am sorry for hurting you. But don't keep me in limbo anymore. Tell me if you will have me or not. It will put me out of my misery and you out of yours."

Tara looked at him in surprise and Jax said, "If you are worried about the boys, Gemma will help you. Bring them here on visits and then when we get back, we can be civil. For them. If that's what you want."

Tara was silent and rubbed her forehead as he watched her brain work furiously. Jax's was silent...waiting for his next sentence.

He touched Thomas, willing the infant to give him strength he didn't have for this. Jax had faced biker gangs, cops, murderers, rapists, feds, Russians...none of them terrified him like this.

Tara was silent for what seemed like hours, her lips resting against the top of Abel's head as she took in his request, processing it.

Tara's eyes finally met his, but instead of answering him, she looked into his face, studying him...looking for something. Jax prayed she found it...or maybe he shouldn't? He gripped Thomas' foot tight as she looked at him.

"This is it, Jax," Tara whispered, her eyes locked on his.

_What? What was it? What the hell did that mean?_

"What?" Jax asked, his heart beating.

"This is the last chance I will ever give you," Tara explained, "If you ever..._ever_...hurt me again….I will be done. Cheating, lying, shutting me out..._anything_….I walk. And _know _this, I may wear your crow, but I am not an old lady, Jax. I do what I _want_, not what I am _told_. By you or anyone."

Jax's heart expanded as he realized...she wasn't giving up on them. She was giving him another chance. Honestly, he didn't think she would. He didn't deserve it.

"You get through your time here, we will try again," Tara said, looking at Jax warily.

Jax's smile...it couldn't be bigger. He stood and leaned across the table and kissed her urgently, forgetting where he was.

"TELLER!" guards around the room screamed, hands on their hips ready to pull clubs on him.

Jax pulled away quickly, holding his hands up. He really didn't want to leave this visitation, especially now that he was on cloud nine. He also didn't want future visits to end.

Tara looked scared, her eyes darting between Jax and the guards. Thomas was now crying, loudly and Abel was looking at Tara to see how he should feel.

"Sorry," Jax called out. A lone guard approached and Jax didn't know him. He looked Jax over, then Tara...he _really _looked over Tara, causing her to cringe under his examination of her. Tara shot Jax a look, noticing his clenched jaw and furious eyes. _Calm_, her eyes told him, _Calm down_.

"I can see why you lost control of yourself there, Teller," the guard murmured, his eyes still glued to Tara, "You have a _very _beautiful wife."

Tara flushed and looked to Jax, who didn't correct him. He planned to make Tara his wife someday. He smirked when she didn't correct the guard either.

"Stay in line, Teller. Anymore problems and you will be back to visits only twice a month," he warned, tearing his gaze from Tara and glaring at Jax.

Jax gave a curt nod and Tara kept her eyes focused on Abel as he walked away….but not without a lingering look.

"Sorry, baby," he whispered, reaching across the table and gripping her hand. Tara shook as she took his hand, terrified. "It's okay," he whispered gently.

Tara set Abel down next to her, keeping him locked to her side before reaching for Thomas. Jax looked around the room and noticed that Gemma, Clay, Tig, Bobby...all eyes were focused on him and Tara with looks on their faces, some admiring the couple, some worried. Gemma looked terrified which caused Jax to frown.

As Tara settled Thomas, handing him a bottle to soothe him, Jax refocused on her.

"I love you, Tara," he said, reached for her hand again, "And I will never hurt you again."

Tara looked at him and smiled, nodding as tears pooled her eyes.

"So...this guy?" Jax asked, nervous, wondering who it was...it wasn't Kozik, right? He then remembered her description '_nice guy, normal, makes good money, intelligent'_. Kozik might be a nice guy, but he could never fit the other descriptors.

"I won't see him," Tara said, rolling her eyes and chuckling at him, "We will be just friends."

Jax sighed in relief and Tara set Thomas down once more in his carrier. Abel was scribbling in a coloring book so Tara and Jax could hold both hands as they talked about...everything and nothing.

"Gemma told me that...you are having nightmares?" Tara asked tentatively.

Jax shot Gemma a furious look across the room, but she was engrossed in conversation with Tig and Clay. Tara squeezed his hands to bring him back to her and he sighed and said, "I didn't want you to worry."

"Jax, I worry regardless, so I might as well know what's going on," Tara said, rubbing her thumbs along the back of his knuckles, "No secrets," she reminded him.

Jax nodded, desperately wanting to kiss the back of her hands, but knew it would push the guards to their limit.

She raised an eyebrow and said, "Maybe it will help if you tell me...what they are about?"

"You," he whispered, "All of you. Hurt, dying, or dead...and I can't do anything to stop it in the dream. Bobby usually has to wake me."

A look crosses her face and she whispers, "Nothing is going to happen to me, Jax. Okay?"

He can tell she doesn't really believe it, but says it for his benefit. Not when she knows how unstable the club lifestyle is. Hell, look at Donna Winston. Killed by the hand of a Son...just because of a misunderstanding. And there were no repercussions to those responsible for her death either.

Jax squeezes her hand, wanting to tell her that he is working on a way out...so they can be together with their boys and be safe. But there are too many ears.

When Jax looks into Tara's eyes, he sees that she too has something she wants to say but she is afraid of their audience too. Jax is desperate to hear what it is that plagues her.

Tara leans over and gives Jax a stack of photos, but he doesn't look at them. Not when he has the real things right in front of him. Thomas was now sleeping in his carrier, while Abel hugged tightly to Tara, his eyes drooping and thumb in his mouth, ready for a nap. Tara holds Abel close, rubbing his back.

"They will both sleep on the way back," Tara says distractedly, "Means we don't have to play Silly Car Songs. Thank God."

Jax chuckled...hell even Silly Car Songs didn't sound bad to him.

Tara smiled and suddenly said, "I love you Jax."

"I love you, Tara," he whispered.

"Be safe in here?" she said, coming out a request, but Jax knew it was more a demand.

Jax nodded, "I am."

Tara nodded and after a second she smirked, "Really, because I didn't tell you Thomas' name until you were in here. I see you had Bobby put some new ink on you. Seriously, the sanitary conditions alone...you are lucky it doesn't appear to be infected," Tara said, turning his arm so she could inspect it with her medically trained eyes.

Jax chuckled and said, "I had to put him down. Make it official."

"Twelve hours in labor...that made it official," Tara said, exasperated, but amused.

Jax smiled and laughed, "I heard my mom was there too."

Tara nodded, "Yeah...for twelve...long...hours!" she teased, shooting a look over her shoulder at Gemma who had her gaze focused on the laughing, smiling couple. She smiled when she realized they were talking about her.

"It wasn't too bad," Tara said.

"What did it feel like?" Jax asked, curious.

"Seriously? The _worst _pain. Like someone is trying to tear you apart from the inside, while getting beat with a tire iron in the abdomen and the crotch. Also, your crotch is on fire," Tara said, chuckling at Jax's horrified face.

"Wow," Jax said, now chuckling, "You have thought about this…"

"I am not likely to forget that pain. EVER!" she said, swatting his hand.

"Well promise me you won't write a book on the subject, terrifying other expecting mothers with your descriptive language." Tara exploded in a fit of laughter.

Jax only smiled, loving the way her eyes sparkled as they laughed.

Time was called too quickly for Jax and he couldn't help but notice that visitation had been everything he needed it to be. Hopefully the nightmares didn't come tonight.

Tara stood, waving Gemma over to carry Thomas out to Kozik because Abel was now sound asleep in her arms. Gemma came and took Thomas quickly, pecking Jax's cheek before scurrying away before a guard could yell at her.

Tara stood, with Abel limp against her as he slumbered. Jax hugged both of them tightly and whispered, "I love you, baby. Be careful. Be safe."

"You too," Tara whispered, "And Jax...be careful of-" she hesitated.

Jax pulled back slightly, wondering what she was going to say. Her tone was frightened and she glanced around the room quickly, looking for someone.

"What baby?" Jax asked, pulling her close again so only he could hear.

Tara finally let it out and whispered, "Clay...don't trust him."

Jax's eyebrows rose and he wondered what she knew...how she knew.

He pulled back and looked at her. She looked terrified. He nodded, telling her he would, his thoughts racing. Did she know something he didn't? Jax already didn't trust him, but...this was something big. Jax could feel it.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the back of Abel's head and rubbed his back.

"I will see you next week?" he asked, looking at Tara.

She nodded and smiled, "Of course. I am so happy we got weekly visits."

"Me too," Jax said.

A guard came and escorted Tara and Abel away at the same time one came to take Jax back to his block.

"Love you, baby," he called out.

"Love you too!" she said, smiling at him as she rocked on her feet to keep Abel asleep.

**So...what do you think about me bringing those letters to Jax so much sooner? Do you think their talk went well? And don't worry, James and Kozik are not done in this story, so don't get too disappointed ;) Stay tuned and in the meantime, review!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyone! Sorry mid-week treat got interrupted by my man showing up at my place last minute...inspirations gotta come from somewhere (wink, wink)! Anyway, I hope you all have been enjoying this story. I have been getting a lot of great feedback and I hope you all keep it up. You are the best. Thanks so much!**

**Enjoy!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 6

Tara

Tara had been in a better mood since her talk with Jax. They were together..._oh God, don't let this go terribly, _she prayed to herself.

She had been having a busy week and she was actually looking forward to the hospital gala she told James she would go with him to. As friends.

Tara walked into the house, needing to drop off the kids with Kozik so she could go shopping for the event.

The only formal wear she currently owned was her old prom dress...yeah, that wasn't going to fit. Not after Thomas. Not only wouldn't it fit, but she would look terrible since it was so much uglier than she remembered. What had she been thinking back then?

"Kozik?" she called, knowing he was here because his bike was out front.

"Yeah," he called from somewhere in the back of the house.

Tara looked in confusion as she set Thomas down in the playpen and Abel ran towards the back bedrooms.

"Why are you back there?" Tara asked as Kozik appeared carrying Abel.

"I was just checking to make sure...the windows were shut," he said, sounding off.

Tara just shot him a look, but knew he wasn't doing anything bad so she dropped it.

"So I am going to go shopping for this hospital event I have to go to. Are you sure you are okay to watch them? I'm not inconveniencing the club?" Tara asked, grabbing her purse and looking to Kozik.

He shook his head and said, "Nah, we'll be fine. Go. Have fun."

Tara smiled and nodded and said, "I will be back in time to make them some dinner, but there is some already cooked stuff in the fridge if they get hun-"

"I know the drill," Kozik interrupted with a smirk, "Go."

Tara smiled and left the house, calling Gemma to see if she wanted to come. Since her decision about Jax, she had been trying to fully mend the fence with Gemma.

Gemma answered, "Hey baby. You okay?"

This was always how Gemma answered the phone. She was constantly worried about the boys.

"Fine, boys are with Kozik," Tara answered, "I was heading dress shopping for this hospital event I have to go to. Thought it would be fun to invite you and Lyla."

Gemma was silent and then said she would like that. Maybe they could make a night of it...go to dinner. Shit, Tara really hadn't planned this out, but it was sounding better and better. She now needed to call Lyla. And Kozik to tell him to feed the kids and maybe do the bath tonight.

"Sure, honey," Gemma said, and Tara could hear the smile in her voice. Tara told her where to meet and then suggested dinner afterwards, and Gemma agreed.

They hung up and Tara called Lyla and invited her, but she had to decline. No babysitter and Opie was busy with club business. Tara told her they would do dinner later in the week and hung up.

As she pulled into the dress shop, she called Kozik and said, "So Gemma is coming with me and we decided to grab some dinner afterwards, so I was hoping…"

"Got it, no problem," Kozik said, "Have fun."

Tara smiled and honestly wondered what she would do without Kozik.

"Okay, thanks Kozik."

"Bye, Tara," he said softly, hanging up the phone.

Tara hung up just as Gemma pulled up in her luxury SUV.

Tara climbed out of the car and waved to her, smiling. _This will be fun,_ she told herself.

Tara walked in, spotting some beautiful things she would love to try on right away. Gemma also eyed some things that she insisted Tara had to try on.

The sales associate began pulling the dresses in Tara's size and Tara tried on a mix of her and Gemma's choices. Tara's choices were more...conservative and...appropriate for a gala for her job, and Gemma's were more...racy and revealing. Tara looked ridiculous in the too sexy gowns, even though Gemma laughed at each of her reactions.

"You look gorgeous. That body...you should show it off, Tara!" she exclaimed as Tara scurried back into the dressing room in a gown with more slits than there was fabric. _And _it was sheer.

Tara sat in the room, wondering what to try on next when the sales associate walked in and said, "I have a suggestion that I think combines some of your mother's taste with yours."

Tara thought about correcting her, but wasn't able to because the girl was gone. Her mother...well, Tara supposed they were acting like a mother-daughter pair. Suddenly the girl reappeared and Tara gasped at the gown in her hands.

It was a beautiful sleeveless, black lace gown with a bone underlay...It would look like Tara's skin through the lace, but it wasn't. It was tasteful, but the plunging back also gave it the sexy look Gemma wanted her in.

Tara smiled at the girl and said, "It's perfect."

She beamed and helped Tara into the dress, even helping her pin her hair back. It was stunning. Subtle, elegant, but sexy. She ran her fingertips over the boat neck, admiring the way the underlay of the dress matched her skin tone. The high neck contrasted beautifully with the revealing back.

It was tight until the knees where it flared out fully and beautifully. It looked way too fancy for anything in Charming.

Tara stepped out and Gemma gasped and smiled.

"Tara," she murmured in awe, "You should get married in that."

Tara chuckled and joked, "A black dress? You _would _say that."

Gemma laughed and said, "That's...that's the one you want. Let's get some amazing earrings and go grab some dinner."

Tara bought the dress and a pair of black stilettos and left the shop with Gemma. It had been expensive, but she rarely treated herself to anything.

They went to a nearby restaurant and ordered beers.

"So this is a hospital event?" Gemma asked.

Tara nodded and said, "A benefit. To draw big benefactors and donors."

Gemma nodded and said, "You should have said, the Sons could have helped."

Tara shrugged and said, "I didn't know much about the event until a couple weeks ago. I only agreed to go because I was asked."

At that, Gemma raised an eyebrow, "By Mr. Administrator?"

Tara nodded and added, "Just as _friends_, Gemma."

"Friends, huh," Gemma said, smirking, "Does he know that? Mr. Administrator?"

Tara nodded and replied, "I told him I would only go with him as friends."

Gemma nodded and said, "He will want to be real _friendly _when he sees you in that dress, sweetheart."

Tara flushed and said, "It's not like _that_. He knows I have...a complicated history with the boys' father and I told him it was why I was so hesitant to start anything new."

Gemma smiled and said, "Honey, I don't care if you have fun...you _know _what I mean by fun. The prison clause-"

"This has nothing to do with the prison clause!" Tara said, cutting her off, sipping her beer, "We are just going as friends. It's for the hospital."

"Uh huh," Gemma said, chuckling as she watched Tara.

Tara shook her head laughing and said, "It could even be called a _work _thing."

Gemma and Tara's food arrived and Tara had to admit they were having fun. Lots of fun. It was felt like the first time in a long time that she had been out. And it was refreshing to have someone to talk to that knew what she was going through. Like, to _really _get it...Clay was in prison too. For the same crime.

When she got home, it was well after bedtime and Tara carried all of her bags in, plopping down on the couch with a tired smile on her face.

Kozik smiled at her from the recliner and walked over to the couch.

"How'd it go? Find a dress?" he said, reaching for her garment bag to see.

Tara held it out of his reach and said, "Yes. You'll see when I am wearing it because you need to babysit when I go."

"When is it?" he asked.

"Tomorrow night?" she asked hopefully.

Kozik nodded and smiled, "Yeah that should work. We leave day after tomorrow for a run."

"Will watching the boys wear you out before that?" Tara asked, worried. She often forgot Kozik was a member of the club, with his own set of responsibilities besides being at her beck and call.

Kozik smiled and shook his head, shoving her playfully as if she was being ridiculous.

"I love hanging with you and the boys," he murmured, not meeting her gaze as he said it.

Tara smiled awkwardly, not understanding why the conversation suddenly felt awkward.

"The boys love having you around Kozik. Even if you did try to teach Abel how to wield a knife," she teased, shoving him back.

He chuckled and said, "I better get going. See you tomorrow? What time should I be here?"

Tara thought about it and said, "Seven. My date gets in around eight and I don't want the boys distracting me as I try to put a cat eye on..._disaster_," she said mock horrified.

He chuckled and stood, grabbing his cut and kissing her forehead before walking out, saying he would see her tomorrow.

Tara sighed as she stood, locking up the house and turning off all the lights.

She grabbed all her garment bags, hanging up the dress and setting the shoes out. She was actually really excited for tomorrow.

* * *

Tara put the finishing touches to her makeup, happy with the smoky eyes, the pinkish nude lips. She looked..._pretty_. She never felt all that pretty. Or hot, but in this dress, with this makeup...she felt pretty.

Gemma was behind her and twisted her hair in a beautiful low bun.

"I always wanted a girl so I could play with their hair," Gemma said, touching her bun before pulling the last hairpin from between her lips and securing Tara's last lock in place. Tara smiled and touched her hand to Gemma's on her shoulder and whispered, "Thank you, Gemma."

Gemma nodded, understanding that...Tara didn't grow up with a mother. So it was bittersweet that Gemma helped her tonight.

Tara slipped the pair of simple, but elegant faux diamond drop earrings she had picked out and then slid her stilettos on. It was just in time too for her to say goodbye to the boys before her date arrived.

She turned to look herself over from the back and smirked as she saw just the tip of the tattoo peeking from the dress' low back hemline

Gemma smirked at her little observation and patted her there before pushing her out the door to the hall.

Tara walked out to the living room and Kozik and the boys were lying on the floor playing with a train.

"Okay, boys, say goodbye to mommy," Gemma said, announcing their presence. Abel and Thomas looked up, Abel running over to wrap his arms around Tara's neck. She carefully tried to keep his arms away from her hair, but didn't deter them too much.

She looked down at them smiling and said, "Will you boys be good for Kozy?"

"Mommy pretty," Abel said, smiling as he touched her face. Tara reached out and grabbed his hand kissing it and said, "Thank you, baby."

She kissed each of them on the head and stood, looking to Kozik, who seemed frozen as he looked at her. He held Thomas, who reached for Tara. She walked forward and kissed Thomas as she held him for a moment, despite Gemma's warning cluck. She smiled at the stunned Kozik as she bounced Thomas and said, "Jeez, do I look terrible most days? You look like you have never seen me before."

Kozik coughed awkwardly and stammered, "Y...Wow...You...you look…"

Tara chuckled looking at Gemma who was giving a suspicious look between Tara and Kozik once more..._oh jeez_. If it wasn't James, it was Kozik…she could practically hear the words '_prison clause_' floating around in Gemma's head.

"You clean up nice, Doc," Kozik finally got out, getting his composure back.

Tara smiled and the door interrupted her response.

"That will be James. Kozik, my numbers are on the fridge, but I will also carry my pager, just in case," she said appreciatively, "Gemma is going to stick around to get them fed and put down for the night."

Kozik glanced to Gemma, who was still studying him intently. Tara hoped she didn't give him a hard time.

"Have fun," he murmured, looking her over once more and smiling.

Tara smiled and nodded, hugging Gemma tightly in thanks before opening and greeting James, who told her how beautiful she looked.

Tara smiled as she looked out in the drive and saw a limo...it had been so long since she had ridden in a limo. Hell, it had been so long since she had driven in anything but the cutlass or on the back of a bike.

James held the door open for her and she smiled as she eased herself inside, onto the leather seats, scooting so he could join her.

Tara smiled as she watched Kozik and the boys wave from the front doorstep and she rolled down the window and waved back frantically. Abel got so excited, jumping up and down as Kozik and Gemma laughed.

The driver pulled away from the curb and Tara inhaled as she prepared for a night of dancing and champagne.

Jax

Jax was in the library, reading. It was his place to escape in this place. Nobody bothered him here and the guys rarely came here looking for him. He wrote, read...did whatever he felt like. It was a quiet he needed.

Jax walked to the newsstand, excited to see new newspapers from the area. He plucked the Charming paper up and scanned the headlines. Mayans and Niners were strangely quiet, considering they knew Samcro was in lockup.

He flipped through the paper, looking for anything remarkable when he stopped short..._Tara_. He looked at the section. _Community Events._..she looked stunning. There was no other word for it. She was meant to wear couture and ball gowns. She smiled happily at the camera.

With her was a man...named James Waddell. He was smiling, his arm wrapped around her for the picture, but his hand...it rested _low _on her back. So low it grazed the tattoo hiding beneath that dress. Tara's back was turned enough for him to see that her dress was almost backless.

Jax saw red, wondering if she was fucking him. Did she know about the prison clause? He specifically hadn't told her about it because he didn't want her to take advantage. Tara was a faithful person, but as their family became more entangled in the culture of the club, he wondered what else Tara had embraced besides, murder, murder cover-up, assisting the escape of a prisoner, selling illegal HIV medicine to clinics...the list went on and on. Would she embrace the prison clause too?

The thought caused Jax to feel sick. And murderous...he focused on Tara's smiling face a moment longer, unable to help the smile that touched his lips a moment. She really was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Jax tore his eyes from her face and read the article. A hospital benefit to raise money…he never remembered her going to something like this before. He would definitely remember her looking this fucking gorgeous. She looked like she belonged on a red carpet.

Jax scanned the man with her. He was clearly smitten...standing a little too close...his hand taking a little too much liberty as it rested on her lower back. He wasn't proud of it, but he had to bite back the word 'MINE!' from escaping his lips.

He wanted to crumple the newspaper, but he couldn't bring himself to destroy such a beautiful photo of Tara.

Instead he glanced around the library and then folded the article up so it wouldn't crease the photo. Jax then stuck it in his pocket. He folded up the newspaper and then walked back to the rack. He decided to write Tara instead of reading.

He wanted to rant...about the photo...about the guy...about why she didn't tell him she was going to the event...but instead he wrote her about how much he missed her. Loved her. Because even though he was jealous...and angry. Even though he felt betrayed, Jax finally realized how Tara might have felt that morning with Ima.

This was just a picture of her with another guy. He might be a coworker. Or a donor. Tara was a faithful, loyal woman. The likelihood of her sleeping around on him was slim. But still...if this photo bugged Jax this much, how had she lived when she caught him with Ima?

The thought of her with this man like he had been with Ima...it killed him. And it killed him that he couldn't act out his anger in a bloody tirade like he normally would.

She was a strong woman, his Tara. And her heart was the purest, most forgiving heart…

Jax tapped his chest where the photo rested against his heart and poured his love and awe that she was with him into his letter.

The day after tomorrow would be visitation day. He could tell her then everything he had written in his letter.

And also ask who James Fucking Waddell was.

**Okay, so a lot of Tara and a little Jax. But what else can I write...I mean, he is in prison...boring. So please don't be mad!**

**Anyway...now what are your thoughts on James and Kozik? Does Jax have anything to be worried about? Do they still have interest in Tara? Would either of them dare act on it?**

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone! Update night! It's coming a bit late this week so I apologize. I hope you all have enjoyed my story so far. I have been getting some wonderful feedback from you all, which keeps me super motivated. Thank you so much everyone! You all are the best!**

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter and please keep up the feedback. I love hearing from you guys and gals!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 7

Tara

Tara walked through her front door, calling out to her kids.

"Abel, Thomas ready to see daddy?" Tara called out running to the fridge to grab bottles to pack in the diaper bag. She was later than she would have liked

"Elyda?" Tara called, not hearing the boys.

"It's me," Kozik said from right behind her, causing her to jump a mile in the air.

"Jesus Christ, Kozik," Tara swore angrily, "Don't do that."

Kozik chuckled and wrapped an arm around her and said, "Sorry. Jesus, you're jumpy."

"No, I'm late and tired, having just come off a twelve hour shift," Tara grumbled, "Not to mention I have a known violent criminal in my home popping out at me, scaring me half to death."

Kozik laughed but pulled her closer and said, "Sorry, I won't do it again."

Tara hugged him back and said, "Good."

Tara began to release him but he held on tight, causing Tara to frown...he was holding her just a little too long for her comfort.

"Hey," she said, pulling back, "You okay?"

Kozik looked down at her and she saw something there...it flashed in his eyes and Tara wondered what happened. It had to be something with the club.

"Jesus, what is it?" she asked, seeing a look of fear in his eyes. Kozik was one of the bravest guys she knew...she had heard the stories. He was also the most volatile and bloodthirsty. The only competition he had was Happy, who just plain scared the shit out of Tara.

"How can I help?" Tara asked, putting one of her hands on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him.

Kozik held her gaze, his mouth open as if he wanted to speak, but he couldn't. Tara felt her stomach twist at the sight. Whatever this was...it wasn't good.

"Kozik?" she prompted.

He looked down at the floor between them and Tara wondered what it was. Did she want to know? She had promised to be a support to Jax...could she handle more than one member of the club and their secrets?

What if it was about Jax? Her heart stopped and she felt her breath hitch and halt.

"Jax?" she gasped out, clutching his shoulders, "What happened?" she barked out.

Kozik looked up, surprise in his eyes. He shook his head and said, "It's not Jax."

The relief...it was overwhelming.

Tara loosened her grip on his shoulders and released him, placing her hand over her heart.

She looked up at him a few more minutes then said, "I am going to get the boys ready to see Jax."

Kozik nodded and grabbed the bottles she had dropped in her panic.

As Tara walked through the kitchen door she stopped. She turned back around, looking at Kozik who had his hands braced on the counter, leaning forward slightly.

"Whatever it is, if you need me, I will be there for you Koz," Tara said, gently. Well, she was helping more than one Son after all. She sighed as he nodded without turning around and then turned back down the hall to get the boys ready for a visit to the prison.

Abel screeched in excitement when he saw Tara and she smiled at him. He was talking a mile a minute, babbling for most of it because he was so excited.

"Did you have fun with Elyda?" she asked, reaching for a change of clothes for him.

He nodded, holding up different pictures he had colored. Tara gathered them up, praising his work and saying they were going to go show Daddy.

Tara stood, leaving Abel coloring so she could change Thomas before they left. Fifteen minute later they were all packed in the car, listening to_ Silly Car Songs Vol 2._

Kozik didn't sing along like he usually did, but remained silent, brooding.

Tara glanced at him from the corner of her eye, but decided not to push him. She wasn't his old lady.

Tara leaned her head against the window and fell asleep, needing it after her long shift.

When they arrived, Kozik shook her awake, having Thomas already out of his carrier and Abel climbing out of the car yelling, "Let's go Mommy!"

Tara sat up and smiled at Abel and then said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to pass out."

"S'okay," Kozik said gently, "Ready?"

She nodded and stood from the car stretching. Abel held his hands up to her and she smiled and leaned down, picking him up. He was getting big to be carried, but she couldn't say no to him. Not yet.

"You want me to take him?" Kozik offered.

Tara shook her head as Abel gripped her a little tighter and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Let's go," she said, heading into the prison.

Kozik nodded and they walked up to the door before Tara stopped Kozik.

"I'm sorry, Kozik," Tara said, grabbing his free hand.

He looked at her confused and she looked down at their hands and said, "I shouldn't have asked."

Kozik, pulled her hand then kissed it so softly Tara flinched. He looked up at her and she knew...Kozik...he _felt _for her_. Oh no_...this was _really _fucking bad.

She gently pulled her hand from his and stared into his eyes for a moment, searching for further evidence. She had thought Gemma was fucking with her or crazy. Kozik could care about her...not like _that_.

"Thank you, Tara," he whispered, his eyes warm and sad.

Tara nodded and turned from him, her head spinning from exhaustion and the new realization that Kozik...she couldn't even finish that thought.

"Checking in for Inmate Jax Teller," Tara murmured, reaching for the paperwork.

Jax

Jax walked in to the visitation room where the visitors were already sitting. He spotted Tara and the boys and smiled. Abel and Thomas both watched as he crossed the room, and Abel screeched excitedly and ran towards Jax and flung himself into Jax's arms.

"Oh, boy you have gotten so big. How you doing boy?" he said, picking him up and rubbing his son's stomach. Abel smiled and laughed at Jax as he approached a smiling Tara. Tara leaned forward and kissed Jax softly, but holding his shirt so he wouldn't move. He was in no hurry to let her go either.

Thomas cooed for attention and Tara broke the kiss, smiling at Thomas.

"Someone wants to say hi," Tara said, handing Thomas over.

Jax took Thomas from Tara and lifted him above his head, smiling up at the little guy. His Thomas.

Jax lowered him as a guard shot him a look and hugged him close and kissing his forehead before handing him back to Tara.

Tara held Thomas and sat down with Abel sitting on the table playing with his toys he had brought.

Jax reached in his pocket and slipped the article from his pocket and slid it across to Tara.

She looked down at it and looked at him in surprise.

"You didn't tell me you were going to a gala," he said, smirking.

"Didn't know I had to clear it with you," she said, smiling at him, slipping it back towards him, "I have a copy of that at home."

"Who is the guy?" Jax asked, deciding to get right to the point.

"Oh, let's see…" Tara said, pretending to scan the article, "Says here his name is James Waddell pictured with Dr. Tara Knowles."

"Don't be cute Tara," Jax said.

"I can't help it," she said, smirking.

"I'm serious...is this the guy-"

"Yes, I told him I would go to him to this hospital thing as his date, but only if we could go as friends," Tara said, rolling her eyes.

"And you bought that?" Jax asked in disbelief.

"Are you doubting me?" Tara asked, her tone serious.

"Look where his hand is Tara," Jax said, pointing to the picture.

"You fucked Ima and probably let countless crow eaters suck your dick when you got the itch," Tara snapped, "And you are upset about his hand resting on my back...for a picture? Are you insane or just stupid to bring this up to me?"

Jax clenched his teeth. He didn't want to fight with her. He loved her and he even admitted that Tara wasn't the cheating kind.

"Do you know about the clause?" he asked gently, needing to know.

"You mean the prison clause? Yeah, your mom filled me in," Tara said, as if the idea disgusted her. Jax was relieved.

"Why would she tell you?"

"Who knows why Gemma does anything? She probably has a reason for it, all part of a master plan," Tara murmured, reaching for the article.

"This wasn't anything. I went to a hospital thing where I danced with Charming's elite for donations. James was just my ride."

Jax studied her and then looked at the photo, "You looked really beautiful."

Tara smiled and dropped the article, "I can't help that either."

Jax chuckled and said, "You are really full of yourself today."

Tara laughed and Jax grabbed her hands and held them, "I have missed you."

Tara smiled and nodded and said, "We have to trust each other. If you want me to trust you, you need to trust me. It's the only way this will work"

Jax nodded and Tara said, "And when you get out, if I hear of a single croweater getting near you, I swear I will take the boys and walk. No blowjobs, nothing."

Jax didn't like to be bossed around by anyone, but Tara had him in the palm of his hand. And she knew it.

"If you don't want men around me," Tara said, "Then you remember that when some hot piece of ass comes around you."

Jax nodded, "I get it."

Tara nodded squeezed his hands, lifting them to her lips and kissing them, "Good."

"So, James?" Jax asked, "You aren't using the prison clause?"

"Jesus, no," Tara said exasperated.

Jax nodded and smiled at Tara and they talked for the rest of the time about the boys.

As Abel butt in and showed Jax his colorings, Jax noticed Tara looking off, lost in thought.

"Hey," he said, once Abel stopped talking, reaching for her hand, "What is it?"

Tara shook her head and said, "Nothing."

Jax lifted an eyebrow, "Didn't we just talk about trust?"

Tara smiled and said, "I am just worried about Kozik. He has been distracted lately and I think something is going on with him and the club. I just worry, you know."

Jax nodded. Tara always worried.

"Want me to ask around about it?" Jax asked, not recalling anything happening with Kozik. Jax knew Kozik spent a lot of time watching over his family, so he wanted to make sure nothing dangerous was trailing him.

"No," Tara said, shaking her head, "He'll figure it out."

Jax nodded and said, "Keep him close. And Opie. Opie said you sent him away a few times."

Tara rolled her eyes and said, "I knew you were sending him. Jax, Opie has better things to do than check in on me. So does Kozik."

"When I am not there, I need to make sure you are looked after. I prefer Opie to be there, but he has his own family to worry about. Kozik doesn't, so he is the best choice," Jax said.

"Okay, okay," Tara said, sighing as she rolled her eyes.

Jax smiled and leaned forward before he remembered he couldn't kiss her. He clenched his jaw and Tara smirked. "Behave Teller."

Jax smirked and said, "Six more months."

Tara smiled and said, "I can't wait."

Jax smiled as the guards called time. He stood and embraced Tara, daring to peck her lips lightly as he held her tightly to him. He then held each of the boys, pecking their soft cheeks, saying he loved them.

"Teller in line, now!" the guard said.

Tara backed away and gave him a sad smile. Jax didn't want to leave her either. He was cuffed and he blew her a kiss as he was led away.

**So what do y'all think? About Kozik? About their talk? Will they survive the six months Jax has left? Review or message me and thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everyone, so I have been busy the past couple weeks. I went camping and then to a wedding, so I have been preoccupied. But I got a message begging me not to stop writing for my SOA stories, which won't ever happen, I swear! I will finish these and I even have a couple more ideas brewing, so if you like my stuff, keep an eye out!**

**I want to thank everyone for reading and for letting me know your thoughts. I have gotten some amazing reviews and messages from readers that mean the world to me and solidify my love for this fandom.**

**So keep it up and enjoy! **

I've Got Time

Chapter 8

Tara

Tara wiped her sweaty forehead with her forearm, before refocusing on her work. She scrubbed and scrubbed the kitchen floor, working out her frustrations. Tara had woken up the other day and for some reason, Jax's house couldn't be dirtier...it looked clean, but it was a pigsty.

She started and hadn't stopped now two days later. Gemma had come in earlier in the morning and asked if she could lend Tara a hand, not seeing the mess Tara did. Tara brushed her offer off, telling Gemma she needed to do it herself.

She did ask Gemma to keep the boys out of the house though and Gemma immediately agreed, taking them to the zoo for the day.

Tara worked and worked, her muscles protesting at the grueling pace she was setting as she cleaned. She didn't know where this was coming from, but it was something she needed to get done.

Tara cleaned and cleaned, without break. When Gemma arrived back with both boys, she was still at work and Gemma studied her worriedly. Something was going on, and Gemma wanted to figure out what it was.

Tara expected her to drop the boys off and go back to the clubhouse, but after giving both boys a bath and putting them down for bed, she walked out into the living room to find her on the back patio smoking.

Tara trudged out to join her, collapsing on the chair as her muscles gave up on her.

"What's going on honey?" Gemma asked, handing her the pack of cigarettes.

Tara waved them off and Gemma only wiggled it and said, "You need one, sweetheart. And you need to talk to me."

Tara shrugged and grabbed the box, tapping it against her hand a few times before pulling one out and lifting it to her lips. She used to smoke...all the time. But since Abel was born she had been determined to kick the habit.

But tonight, Gemma was right. She needed one.

As she took the smoke into her lungs, her mind cleared briefly and her muscles began to relax.

"You missing Jax?" Gemma asked, puffing her own cigarette.

"Of course," Tara responded automatically.

"No," Gemma chuckled, flicking her cigarette, "Like _miss _him. Is that where this need to clean is coming from? Working off sexual frustration?"

Tara looked down at her feet and thought about that. Yes, she missed Jax, especially the sex. It may not seem that way, but Tara was a very sexual person. Nine months...that was a long time for her. She hadn't even waited that long after Josh. And _he_ had fucking traumatized her.

Tara inhaled deeply, letting the smoke pollute her lungs, ignoring that inner voice that reminded her she was a doctor and should know better.

"Yeah," Tara murmured flicking her cigarette, "I guess. It's a lot of crap, but that's a big part of it."

Jax, the boys, her job, the club, Gemma...Kozik.

Kozik was actually one of her bigger concerns. Tara had grown close to him. She saw him as a friend. A good friend. He had been there since Jax had gone in, and was a constant support to her. Since their..._interaction_ in front of the prison, he hadn't been around.

Tara heard through the grapevine that he had been on a run. But then a few days ago she heard from Bobby that he was back. Tara hadn't seen hide nor hair from him. Was he avoiding her?

"It's hard making it all work when they are in," Gemma said, interrupting Tara's train of thought.

Tara looked at Gemma, a seasoned pro in this life. How did she do this more than once? Clay had done time before...it fucking sucked. Seriously, Tara wanted to know how Gemma got through it.

"Have you ever used the prison clause?" Tara asked, knowing she shouldn't be talking about this with Jax's mother, but needing to talk to somebody who knew what the hell she was going through.

Gemma looked at her and nodded, "Once. Clay knows about it."

"This time, or…" Tara trailed off.

"Last time. I was in my thirties. Had a stronger sex drive then," Gemma said, inhaling deeply.

Tara nodded and a silence came between them.

"Clay...he was pissed for a while, but he got it," Gemma said, "Lord knows he has fucked around on me before."

Tara was silent, thinking about that. She hated that logic... _Well he fucks around on me, so it makes it okay for me to fuck around on him_...normal people weren't like this.

_What's normal? _Jax had once asked her. She hadn't said anything then, but now, she would say normal was loving someone and it meaning something. Not cheating on them. Loving them through the bad shit and the good. As Tara was going through the bad parts of her and Jax's relationship, she couldn't help pity herself a little. It was really fucking hard, especially considering the hard part included him being a felon, in prison.

"We get through it, baby," Gemma said.

Tara sighed and said, "I am tired of just getting through it. Ya know?"

Gemma looked at her and nodded, "I do."

They were silent for a moment longer and Tara finished her cigarette, snubbing it out.

"So you won't go prison clause," Gemma said, "And that house can't get much cleaner," she said with an amused smile.

Tara chuckled and nodded.

"So you need a new way to get off," Gemma said, eyeing her with a knowing look.

Tara flushed and shook her head. This was Jax's mom, for God's sake. How was she comfortable talking about this stuff?

"We are both women, with the same issue," Gemma said, answering Tara's unspoken question, "You let me know if you want me to come shop with you. I know my way around a sex shop."

Gemma stood, grabbed her cigarettes and rifled in her purse for her keys. She walked to the sliding door and just before she opened it she said, "Now, go take a bubble bath."

Tara flushed again and Gemma smirked and left through the door, leaving Tara alone on the patio, ruminating on all the shit they talked about. She looked over her shoulder just as Gemma walked through the front door of the house.

She sighed, leaning back in her chair and rubbed her temples. She was truly exhausted, having worked nonstop this weekend.

She really didn't want to go to work tomorrow. Tara stood pushing in her chair before walking into the house. Tara looked around the house and realized what it was she didn't like about it.

This was Jax's house. His couch. His fucking stupid Maxim posters and beer mirrors...she fucking hated his choice in decor. She hated that she lived here, but you couldn't tell. She wondered if she should move more of her crap in?

Was she ready for that?

She had moved from sleeping on the futon, to sleeping in Jax's bed, but she knew she wasn't ready to move her crap in and make this place hers too.

Tara was too tired to think about it further though. Suddenly Gemma's bath idea was sounding better and better. She headed to the bathroom, stripping her sweats off as she went. As she sank into the tub, she felt each muscle relax and her hands immediately to the place they were needed.

Jax

Jax entered the visitation room with the same enthusiasm he normally had. He walked to the table they usually sat at and waited anxiously. Today's visitation was earlier than normal.

He was surprised to see his mother walk in the door. His thoughts immediately went to Tara...was she okay? Were the boys?

"Nothing's wrong," Gemma said knowingly as she hugged Jax, "How are you baby?"

"Fine," Jax responded, "Is Tara coming?"

"Jeez, what am I? Chopped liver? Tara will be here soon. I thought I would take half of my visit and visit with my son," Gemma said exasperated.

Jax nodded, wondering if that would affect his time with Tara, but decided not to say anything.

"How are you really, sweetheart?" Gemma asked.

Jax shrugged and said, "As good as can be expected."

"Tara's going through it," Gemma said, giving Jax a look.

Jax nodded and said, "Yeah." He didn't need his mother or anyone else telling him that Tara was struggling. It made him feel like shit because there was nothing he could do about it in here.

"You got anything to say?" Gemma asked.

"What do you want me to say?" Jax asked, snapping, "While Tara is out there, going through it, I am in here going through it. Can't do much for her when I am stuck here, can I?"

Gemma sighed and said, "Jesus, calm down. I am just trying to keep you up to date on your old lady."

Jax sighed and rubbed his face, trying to calm his rapidly fraying nerves. He loved his mom, but sometimes she drove him bat shit crazy. All he really wanted was to see Tara and the boys now.

"I am sorry for going off on you," Jax offered in a low murmur, "It's been really hard in here."

"I know, baby," Gemma said, reaching for his hands and squeezing them in encouragement, "Four more months."

Jax nodded. He had his own countdown in his head.

"When you get out," Gemma said, "You behave yourself when it comes to Tara. The sting of your betrayal hasn't gone away, just lessened. Do you understand?"

Jax nodded and said, "Yeah. This is my last chance."

"Then I would make sure it doesn't happen again," Gemma warned. It was moments like this that Jax saw how deeply Gemma had come to care for Tara.

"I am going to marry her, Mom," Jax said, determined to make the most of his chance.

"You have been saying that since you were sixteen," Gemma said, smirking. It was something he had always wanted, but for some reason, it wasn't something that he ever felt like they were ready for. He never asked because he knew Tara wouldn't be ready for him to ask.

"This time I am serious. I want her to be my wife. When I get out," Jax said, "I am going to propose."

Gemma raised her eyebrows in surprise and said, "Have you talked to Tara about this?"

Jax shook his head and said, "No, we are just getting back on track. I don't want to spook her."

The last time they had talked marriage, they had been nineteen and he had proposed, desperate to get her to stay. His proposal only caused her to panic and she had left for school in San Diego.

Gemma nodded in understanding. He couldn't believe his mother was so quiet on the matter. She may care for Tara, but the last time this had come up, she had been very vocal about her opinion.

"You have no opinion?" he asked, smirking. When he had first proposed to Tara, Gemma...she lost her shit.

Gemma shook her head and said, "You have made your choice. If it hasn't changed in fifteen years, I don't think anything I say will change it."

Jax remained silent, nodding as he looked at her.

"She is a good woman. Smart, loyal, a good mother," Gemma said gently, "I won't stand in the way of that. Not anymore, baby."

Jax smiled, not needing her approval, but happy to have it.

"Maybe you can help me with something then," he said.

Gemma raised an eyebrow at him and he asked, "Help me find a ring?" Gemma smiled and said, "I will do what I can."

Jax nodded when the gate buzzed, indicating new visitors being admitted. He glanced up and smiled as he saw Abel running towards him excitedly.

Jax's face broke into a smile he couldn't keep off his normally stoic face. He stood and held his arms open for him as Tara came up behind Abel with Thomas in her arms.

"Sorry we were running late," Tara said, gently rubbing Thomas' back.

"Late?" Jax asked, looking over his shoulder at Gemma.

She looked away, clearly avoiding his gaze, and stood, saying, "I'll leave you to it."

Tara smiled and noticed the look of appreciation she gave his mother.

Jax set Abel down and looked at Thomas' face over Tara's shoulder. He was awake, just a little fussy. Jax held his hands open for Thomas and Tara handed him over.

"Hi Thomas," he murmured, kissing the soft skin of his forehead.

Jax looked to the guard who gave him a warning look. Jax kissed Thomas once more before handing him over to Tara and sitting across from her.

"Why were you late?" Jax asked curiously, wondering what that little interaction was between Tara and his mom.

"Oh, nothing. I thought I had a ride up here, but I…guess I didn't," she said, looking down at her hands on the table, avoiding his gaze. She obviously didn't want to talk about it and Jax didn't want to ruin their visit, so he decided to change the subject.

"How are you babe?" he asked.

"Good," she said, smiling softly, bouncing Thomas on her lap.

She looked good. A soft glow on her face. And there wasn't as much tension in her shoulders as there normally was when she visited. He couldn't pinpoint what it was about her...but she seemed less tense or something.

"You look good," Jax said, smiling at her appreciatively.

Tara smirked and said, "I could wear a burlap bag and you would say that. Horndog."

Jax smirked and studied her for a few moments.

"Heard you have been busy," Jax said. His mother had told him about her schedule and obsessive cleaning of the house. Gemma wrote him that she thought that Tara was going through a withdrawal of her own. Jax knew all about that. When he got out…they might have to send the boys to their grandma's for few days.

Tara nodded, "Between working, the boys, and helping plan Opie and Lyla's wedding, I am exhausted."

Jax reached across the table and grabbed her hands. If he had his way, soon Tara would be planning their wedding.

"You should try and take it easy, babe," Jax said, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

Tara nodded and said, "I just can't wait for you to get out."

Jax nodded and said, "Me too. Four months."

Tara nodded and squeezed his hands before saying, "Four months."

**Next chapter will be his release (finally!) and Opie and Lyla's wedding. So stay tuned!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! Big chapter this week, so make sure to review or message me. Thanks for reading and let me know what you all think.**

**Enjoy!**

I've Got Time

Chapter 9

Tara

Jax was coming home in a week. Tara had done a lot in the past few months. She had gone to her dad's and had made it _her_ house, deciding that she wasn't ready for Jax and her to go right into living together. She wanted to take things slow, since they were starting over.

Tara cleaned up the house, put fresh paint both inside and out, and got new flooring. She even bought new furniture.

She spent a few hours a day on the house, slowly decorating it with things she found around town that she liked. Tara took her childhood bedroom and converted it to a nursery, knocking out a closet to make it bigger to fit both boys comfortably.

By the time she was done with it, she was no longer reluctant to stay there. She tried to keep her work on the house under wraps, not knowing how Gemma would take it. No doubt she would tell Jax, who would definitely have problem with it. They would find out when Jax got out, but they didn't need to know now. She wanted Jax to have a good homecoming.

Jax knew that Tara held onto her dad's place, and that she spent some nights there, but she hadn't really wanted to tell him about the remodel. She didn't want him to read more into it than necessary.

While Tara had decided to give Jax another chance, Tara knew this time would have to be different on her end too. She had a lot of expectations for Jax, but she needed to make sure that she changed too. She needed to make sure Jax wasn't the only thing in her life. It put too much pressure on him and it caused him to stress…which caused him to…Tara stopped that train of thought and got back to work. The point was she needed to take things slow this time and make sure she put her and the kids first.

When Tara had come back to Charming, she and Jax had fallen into old habits fast. She had become a fool for him again and this time she needed to be smart about their relationship. And not just for her, but for their kids.

She knew in order for their relationship to work, she needed a place she felt safe and a place that she could escape the club. Her dad's old place seemed the perfect place.

The entire time she had been working on the house, Tara thought about her and Jax but also about other things. She needed to make sure she dedicated as much care and attention to herself as she did Jax. She needed to work…to have friends…to do things other than be Jax Teller's old lady and Tommy and Abel's mommy.

Her thoughts immediately went to Kozik, who she hadn't seen except fleetingly over the past few months. She supposed he had decided that it was too hard for him to be friends when he felt for his VP's old lady. Tara understood, but she did miss him. He was a good listener and he had a really funny personality. He was also kind and down to earth. He had been a real rock to her since that first prison visit.

Tara was locking up her place, finishing for the day before going back to the clubhouse to get the boys.

She pulled up to Teller-Morrow garage and pulled into a spot. She spotted Kozik working on a bike and hesitated a moment before she walked over to him.

"Hey Koz," she said, smiling a small smile at him.

He glanced up in surprise and then looked back down at his bike and said, "Hey, your car runnin' okay?"

Tara nodded and said, "Yeah, great. I really like the Focus."

Kozik nodded and said, "Boys are with Gemma in the clubhouse."

Tara nodded and said, "Thanks."

He nodded and focused back on his work. Tara knew he expected her to leave, but she couldn't…she wanted to clear the air. Say something to make the awkwardness that hadn't been there a few months ago, go away.

"Kozik," Tara said, stepping closer to him, "I understand why you don't want to be my friend. I just want you to know I don't have hard feelings. I just want you to be happy."

Kozik looked up at her in surprise and she smiled at him in what she hoped was a friendly way and began to back away. She turned to walk towards the clubhouse, but Kozik called out to her.

"Tara, wait!" Kozik said, wiping his hands on a greasy rag. Tara stopped and turned towards him.

"I want to be your friend," Kozik said, his face uneasy, "But…I want…more. And I get that-"

He floundered for words and Tara decided to cut him off and said, "I know, it's just-"

"Jax," Kozik finished simply, looking regretful. And really it was all he needed to say. Jax was it for her and he knew it. Tara nodded and reached for his hand, saying, "It doesn't mean that we can't be friends. If that's what you want…it's what I want."

Kozik smiled and said, "Yeah. I would."

Tara smiled, a feeling of relief surging through her system. She needed friends and Kozik…he was the first person she had let in in a long time.

Tara gestured to his bike after a few seconds and said, "That's a nice bike. Is it a custom job?"

Kozik looked down at the bike and nodded and said, "Custom rebuild. It's mine."

Tara raised her eyebrows and her eyes shot to the line of motorcycles, easily finding his Dyna.

She looked back at him and he smirked and said, "I never would get rid of my Dyna. This is the first bike I learned on."

"It's beautiful," she said, admiring the black swirls on the dark, charcoal paint. It was beautifully redone. It was one of those bikes that could be in a museum and she said so.

Kozik shook his head as he lovingly touched the leather seat and said, "No, this bike is meant to be ridden."

Tara smiled and said, "I want to learn, but Jax won't teach me."

"You want to learn to ride?" Kozik asked in surprise, a smile on his face.

She nodded, smiling bashfully and said, "Jax never really had the time to teach me. Or the patience."

Kozik smiled and then held his hand out to her. She looked at it in confusion and he gestured towards the motorcycle between them and said, "Come on. I'll teach you."

Tara smiled in excitement and asked, "Really?"

"Really," Kozik said smiling. If Tara was reading Kozik's expression correctly, she was sure he was as excited to teach her as she was to learn.

"Now?" she asked, glancing back to the clubhouse where Gemma was with the kids.

Kozik only shrugged and nodded and said, "Sure, let me go let Gemma know."

Kozik smiled and nodded and Tara skipped towards the clubhouse in excitement, causing Kozik to laugh.

Gemma was in the clubhouse bouncing Thomas on her hip as she handed Abel a sippy cup.

"Hi babies," Tara said, walking up behind Abel, kissing the top of his head.

"Mommy!" Abel squealed, reaching his hands out to her.

"Hi baby," she said, sweeping him off the stool he was perched on and hugging him to her tightly, "How was your day?"

Abel only smiled as Tara settled him back on the stool to sip his juice.

"Hi baby," Gemma said, hugging her with one arm, "We had a great day. Chucky had them do some filing."

Tara smiled and asked, "Can you watch them tonight? I am going to head out with Kozik for a bit. Not sure when I will be back."

"Sure," Gemma said, "Where you guys going?"

"Just for a ride," Tara said vaguely, leaving out that Kozik would be teaching her.

"Okay, they can spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa," Gemma cooed to Thomas as she kissed him on the head. Tara smiled and nodded and said, "Thanks Gem, appreciate it."

She smiled and Tara kissed Abel and said, "Be good for Grandma, okay baby?"

"'Kay Mommy," Abel murmured waving to her. She smiled and felt a momentary pang of guilt, but then realized that it was good for them to get used to people who weren't her. She wanted them socialized normally.

She kissed his forehead once more before leaving the clubhouse where Kozik was waiting for her on the beautiful bike. He smiled as she appeared and held a helmet out to her, which she accepted and buckled.

As she climbed on, she realized this was the first time she had ridden on a bike that wasn't Jax's.

"Hang on," he said as he revved the engine to life, waiting for her to grip on. She latched onto him and smiled as she felt the familiar hum of the motor between her thighs.

He sped out of the lot as Gemma walked out with Thomas in her arms, watching them go.

Tara knew Gemma was more than curious, but as Tara felt the wind whip around her and the sun on her face she pushed all those thoughts from her head and just basked in the thrill and excitement she felt being so free.

Kozik turned towards her, calling out to her but she couldn't hear him. He pointed towards the beautiful hills they passed as they headed out of town. She smiled as she admired the beautiful California countryside.

She briefly wondered where he was taking her, but she didn't let it bother her. She trusted him and he obviously had an idea of where he wanted to teach her.

She enjoyed the ride, resolving to go on more with Jax. They hadn't taken a ride to just take a ride in a long time. Not since she had been back. He was too busy with club shit.

Kozik pulled off on a small road that led to an old house and dilapidated barn. As he slowed to a stop, he said, "The owners aren't here and this is the only thing down here, so you have enough road to practice without being interrupted."

"How do you know they aren't here?" she asked, climbing off the bike, but leaving the helmet on.

"Because it's my parents' place," Kozik said, "This is where I grew up."

Tara turned back to the house in surprise and studied the farmhouse. It looked so…wholesome. Not the childhood home of a Sergeant of the Sons of Anarchy.

"It's nice," Tara murmured.

"My dad was a Son," he murmured, as if hearing her unspoken question, "It's his bike. He gave it to me when I was patched in."

Tara watched a shadow flicker through his eyes and she asked, "Was?"

Kozik nodded and said, "He died. Two summers ago."

Tara nodded in understanding. He was obviously still grieving.

"Was he Redwood?" she asked in interest, trying to remember Jax or another member of the club mentioning Herman Kozik.

Kozik shook his head and said, "No, he was a founder of the Tacoma charter. Enough about him though, let's get you riding. I have a feeling you will be a fast learner."

Tara smiled and he scooted to the back of the bike and patted the driver's seat, "Take a seat, and get the feel of it."

Tara tentatively straddled the bike in front of him and placed her hands on the bars. The bike was off, so she wasn't nervous. When it was on, then she would get nervous.

Kozik ran through what each hand lever did, when to use it and when to ease off of it. Tara listened attentively, taking mental notes and asking occasional questions about the mechanics of the bike.

After Kozik grilled her on what everything was for, he suddenly backed off and said, "Good, you are ready."

Tara turned and said, "Just like that?"

"Yeah, you know about balancing on a bike. I will be right here with you," he said, amused as he strapped his helmet in place.

Tara heart accelerated nervously as Kozik rested his hands on her hips. She blinked her eyes a few times and he slid his sunglasses on her eyes and said, "Ready?"

She nodded and he murmured the instructions for starting the bike up and she followed them, clutching the brake with a death grip.

"Okay, when you are ready, release the brake and ease the bike into first," Kozik mumbled in her ear, squeezing her hips reassuringly.

She smiled and let up on the bike, squealing as it jerked forward. She immediately hit the brake and caused Kozik to ram into her from behind. She chuckled nervously and Kozik laughed at her reaction.

"Good, we know you can make it go. Let's go a little more, huh?" he suggested, his voice thick with amusement. He puts his hands gently over hers and it calmed her down at she felt his gentle reassurance.

She smiled and said, "Okay, ready?"

"Yep," he said, squeezing her hips again to let her know he was hanging on.

Tara eased the bike forward once more, this time more easily and smiled as she drove about forty feet before slowing again.

She smiled and said, "I can't believe it! I am doing it!" He rode up and down the road with her until she got the feel of it, only occasionally putting his hands over hers and guiding her.

They practiced turns, and changing gears until Tara felt comfortable.

Kozik laughed and said, "Let's go for a fast ride along the highway, really open her up."

Tara looked over her shoulder at him and asked, "You really think I am ready for that?"

He nodded and said, "You're a natural."

Tara smiled proudly and then nodded and turned the bike around.

Tara eased the bike back onto the highway and drove down the highway for twenty miles before turning around and heading back to Kozik's parent's place.

"Oh my God, that was so exciting!" she exclaimed as she parked the bike, her heart still beating in excitement.

"You did good," he said, smiling happily.

"Really?" she asked.

He nodded and said, "Come on, let's take a break."

She smiled and nodded and he walked them to her front porch and sat down on the rocking seat. She joined him on the seat and they sat in silence, enjoying the simple, peaceful surrounding.

"So where's your mom?" she asked.

"Montana," he said, "It's where she's from."

Tara nodded and said, "I have always wanted to go there."

"To Montana?" Kozik asked in disbelief.

She nodded and said, "It always seems so beautiful in the movies."

Kozik shrugged, but said, "I guess."

They were silent for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company when Kozik said, "I love fly fishing up there. My family has a cabin…it's so peaceful."

Tara smiled as she imagined him at a cabin, wearing waders, all geared up to go and fish. It was an odd sight in her head, but she smiled at the image.

"Sounds nice," she said.

He nodded and said, "Tara, I…I am thinking about going nomad."

Tara looked up at him in shock and said, "Why would you do that? You have a seat at the table."

"Yeah, but it's at Jax's table," Kozik said, looking at her and packing so much meaning into each word.

It was then that Tara knew…Kozik loved her. For him to leave the Charming charter he must love her. It was something even Jax wouldn't do for her.

"Are you sure that's the best thing?" she asked, wondering what she could say to her friend to stay.

"I just…I don't think I can stay and see…well, you know," he finished lamely, his eyes fixed on the tall grass by the gate as it swayed beautifully in the wind.

"I will miss you," Tara said after a few minutes. She knew it was for the best. If he stayed, it would only lead to trouble between him and Jax and her and Jax. But at the same time, she felt like she was losing a true friend.

It wasn't something easy to find. Somebody who could understand the life that you were in when you were tied to the club and talk to you about it from place of knowing. Hell Kozik knew more about the club since he _was_ Samcro.

But the hardest thing that she was losing was trust. She was losing one of the only people she trusted. As hard as she tried, Tara could never be convinced that Gemma was someone who had her back. And Jax…she trusted him, but at the same time she didn't.

Too many lies, too many broken promises. She always gave Jax another chance because despite all the lies and unfulfilled promises, she loved Jax with her whole heart.

As they lightly swung on the porch swing, Tara reached for Kozik's hand and held it in her own.

"I will miss you too, Tara," he whispered, squeezing her hand gently as he looked so earnestly in her eyes.

Tara felt like crying, but forced herself not to.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that, but they watched the sun go down and the stars peek out from a dusk sky, one by one.

Tara broke the long silence and asked, "When?"

Kozik broke his gaze from the sky above and said, "After the wedding."

Lyla and Opie's wedding was next week, the day after the guys got out of prison.

She nodded. He was leaving in one week.

"Can we come back out here again before you go?" she asked.

He smiled and nodded, "I never said your lessons were over, Knowles."

She smiled and chuckled, "Thought you said I was a natural."

"Natural yes, but not an expert," Kozik said, standing and pulling her to her feet.

They walked to the motorcycle and he said, "I am driving. I will get too much shit if we ride in with me on the back."

Tara chuckled and shook her head, but she took the helmet and put it on herself. She wrapped her arms around Kozik and they took off.

Jax

Jax wrote in his journal, in his cell anxious for the guard to come and lead him out of the bowels of the prison. Today he was going home. To Tara. To his boys. He thought this day would never come.

Jax wrote all his feelings down since he never spoke about them. This was his last prison stay. He never would come back to a place like this again.

"Come on Teller, Munson. Roll it up, let's go," the guard called, pitching him a plastic bag for all his stuff. Jax looked down at the bag and all the neat piles of his life here in prison and eagerly reached for the bag, packing it up carefully.

Each picture he had clung to, each drawing of Abel's...these were his saving grace in prison. He never would have made it through if it hadn't been for these scraps of paper. And Bobby. A bond had formed between them and Jax truly trusted the older man.

Jax and Bobby made sure everything was cleared out of their cell and waited as a guard came to escort them out.

The guard came and they walked silently along the block, each cell containing a Son opening and releasing their occupant for the last time.

Jax could practically taste the freedom.

They were led to a gated room where they were change out of their prison clothes and into their street clothes. Jax quickly got dressed they were once more escorted to the final gate, where Jax slid his wallet in his back pocket and slipped his rings on.

As the door opened, he squinted against the light. He smiled at his brothers and they together walked out of the prison. With each step towards freedom he took, it was like a mantra: _Tara...Abel...Thomas...Tara….Abel...Thomas._

It was all he had been thinking about since he had been parted from them a year ago.

Jax smiled as he saw the row of Harleys lined up waiting for him on the other side of the gate along with Opie, his best friend. Jax beamed as he hugged Opie tightly.

Before he knew it, he was cruising down the highway towards home. He felt so free. He loved riding. The only thing missing was Tara's arm wrapped around him tightly, her chin resting on his shoulder.

At the thought of Tara, he accelerated, that much more excited to get home.

She wouldn't be at home. Gemma had arranged a welcome home party at the lot and Tara said she and they boys would be there for him.

After a slight hiccup on Main Street, where the new sheriff flaunted his authority, Jax pulled into the lot, immediately looking for Tara among the waving and clapping crowd of the Samcro family.

Tara was right in front near Gemma, smiling hugely, with Thomas in her arms and Abel clinging to her leg. He eagerly parked his bike, ripping his helmet off and strode towards her, enveloping her in a heated kiss.

Tara pulled back, looking him over for any changes since she had seen him a week prior.

"Glad to have you back," she murmured, a small smile on her face as Thomas began to fuss.

Jax tangled his fingers in her hair once more and kissed her deeply again before Thomas began to cry, forcing his parents to part. Tara pulled back from him and gestured over his shoulder to his mother, who was waiting for her hug.

He turned and smiled at her, embracing her in a hug.

"She did good," Gemma said, pointing to Tara, who was busy settling Thomas down with a bottle.

"Yeah, she did great," Jax said proudly as he watched Tara .

Gemma held up a little envelope and said, "This is the one you want."

Jax smiled as he took the package.._.the one you want_. That had always been Tara.

Jax released his mom and went to Tara, sitting next to her at the table where she was laying out crayons for Abel to color with.

Jax picked up Abel and leaned forward, kissing Tara lightly. He never felt so whole in his life. With Tara and their two sons surrounding them.

Tara smiled, resting her forehead against his and she said, "I have missed you."

"You have no idea, baby," he whispered as Clay called out for Chapel.

Jax sighed in disappointment. He just wanted to spend time with Tara and the boys, but there was pressing business that needed to get done.

"I better go," he said regretfully, cupping Tara's face softly as she nodded.

"I will go to your house," she said, running her finger lightly over the stubble on his chin.

"You still staying at your dad's?" he asked curiously.

She shrugged and said, "Yeah, sometimes."

He nodded, trying to hide his frown as he thought about that. He wanted her with him and the boys in his house. But now wasn't the time. Clay was ready to hold Chapel and was yelling for the guys to the clubhouse.

Jax wanted to know what Clay had been plotting all this time in prison. He knew it was a whopper and that he would bring it to the club now that he was out to orchestrate his plan.

"We will see you at home," Tara said gently, squeezing his hand. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it softly, then kissed both Abel and Thomas before jogging towards the clubhouse.

Jax listened as Piney, Opie, Chibs, and Kozik filled them in on club business that they hadn't been able to attend to while they were inside. Then they talked about the new housing development, the Russians, and finally Opie's wedding out at the Wahewa reservation.

Jax began to grow impatient, wanting Church and the meeting with the Russians done with so he could get home to Tara. He was aching for her now. In an hour he would be fit to burst. It would probably not be any good for Tara since he wouldn't last long.

Clay banged the gavel and Jax shot out of his seat, ready to get this last bit of club business done so he could be with his family before Opie's wedding.

Tara

As Tara put the boys down, she heard the front door open and figured it had to be Jax. They only had a couple hours until they had to leave for the wedding.

Tara quietly crept out of the boys room, closing the door behind her and found Jax standing in the hall, hungrily eyeing her.

She shivered at the intensity she felt in his wanting look and murmured, "Boys are napping."

Tara walked towards him slowly, lightly reaching for him. It was so weird to have him back, right here in front of her. He was home. It was wonderful.

She lightly reached her hand out to touch his abdomen, but he smiled and reached down and fireman carried her to the bedroom and she gasped in surprise.

He carried her to the bedroom and set her down. Tara reached for him as eagerly as he reached for her, sighing as she kissed him. It was relief that coursed through her veins along with passion. He was here. Finally. And he was safe.

Tara wrapped her arms around him as she felt him undo her jeans and slide them over her hips impatiently. She pulled away and shimmied out of her top. She threw it to the floor to see Jax was almost completely undressed as he stepped out of sneakers and his jeans.

"I missed you so much," he whispered against her lips. Tara kissed him deeply and Jax pushed her towards the bed.

"Love me," she whispered, her body needing his.

He nodded and they both fell to the bed, kissing and groping one another desperately.

Jax sat up from her, causing her to pout but he quickly pulled her panties from her and as she undid her bra, tossing it to the ground.

Tara expected him to climb on top of her once more, but he just sat there a second, looking at her as if she wasn't real. She smiled at him, laying back and letting him look at her. After a minute, Jax leaned forward and kissed her so softly and whispered, "You are so beautiful, Tara."

Tara felt her eyes fill with tears and she pulled him down to her lips once more, kissing him deeply as she wrapped her arms around him.

Jax kissed down her neck and gruffly said, "I need you."

She nodded and said, "I am ready."

He pushed in and Tara and Jax both gasped as he filled her.

"Jesus Christ, Tara," he groaned against her neck. He pulled back slightly so he could look down at her as he rested inside of her.

By the time Jax began to move inside of her, Tara was practically desperate for him. He thrust in her hard and fast and she knew he needed release. This was not going to be a marathon, but a sprint for him. But she needed him as much as he needed her, so she needed to hurdle towards that finish line too.

She arched her back and clung to him as he moved inside of her greedily. She clawed at his back and Jax reached between them, grunting as he moved and stroked her. She cried out as the feeling of him inside her and his hand stroking her caused her to explode around him.

Tara cried out, basking in the shudders that followed her orgasm. Jax thrust into her deeply twice more before swelling inside her and releasing as he planted himself inside her deeply. Her legs and arms hung limply around him as he spilled into her and she stroked his back as he breathed heavily against her neck and shoulder.

"Tara," he moaned as he lifted himself up, searching for her lips. She kissed him back, finding enough strength to lift her arms and hug him to her.

She ran her hands through his short hair and whispered, "I love you, Jax."

He smiled down at her and said, "I love you."

Jax rolled off her onto his back, pulling her into his side as he rubbed a hand up and down her back. She relaxed against him, loving their post coital laziness. She stroked his chest, re-familiarizing her fingertips with every ridge, taking in the new jagged scars meant to kill him.

He kissed her temple, sighing in delight as he explored her wordlessly too.

They were silent, just enjoying rekindling the physical aspect of their relationship when Jax asked, "Why are you staying at your dad's?"

Tara's heart beat nervously, not wanting to ruin the mood they had set.

She shrugged and said, "Seemed like a good idea."

"What about the boys?" Jax asked.

"They don't stay there too much, but I did make my old room a place they can sleep," she said, stretching next to him, hoping to distract him.

But Jax wasn't distracted.

"Maybe you should just move in here," Jax said, his hand low on her back.

_Here we go_, she thought to herself.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she murmured, resting her chin on his chest so she could look up at him. Tara trailed her fingers lightly over his chest and he looked down at her and asked, "Why not?"

"Because you just got out and I think this time around, things need to be different if we want to make this work. We need to take it slow," she said.

"Slow?" he said, smirking, "You call this slow?" he asked, kneading her ass.

She chuckled and said, "I know you aren't the only reason we had problems before you went in."

Jax raised an eyebrow in surprise as Tara pushed on, "When I am around you, I...I don't know, don't think clearly or something. I just get so lost in you."

"Me too," he murmured, brushing her bangs off to the side. Tara knew that wasn't true. Tara had been willing to sacrifice everything for Jax, even her career. She knew it wasn't the other way around. Jax would never sacrifice his club for her. Ever.

"I can't do that. _We _can't do that," Tara said, "Not like before. We have Abel and Thomas to consider."

Jax was silent, pondering her words and she decided to tell him. Honesty. If she expected it from him, she had to give it to him too.

"I think I put a lot of pressure on you when I first came back and we go together. I don't want that," she said, looking down.

Jax lifted her chin and asked, "What does that have to do with you living here?"

"Before, I clung to you to prove to myself the dealing with all the club shit was worth it because I had you. I held you so tight it caused you to...well, resent me and push me away. I know I have to change too, Jax. This is how I need to change, by letting you loose a little bit." Tara said, "I just...I need a place where I can go to escape the club."

"Escape me?" he asked, his eyes clouded with some emotion she couldn't identify.

Tara shook her head and said, "No. I...Jax, until we make some decisions about us and our family, this is what I need. But it doesn't mean I don't love you. I do. So much."

Jax looked down at her, studying her as he ran his fingers through her hair.

He nodded and gently replied, "Okay."

She smiled a small smile and said, "Thank you."

Jax leaned forward and kissed her again, it quickly heating up once more.

Jax

Jax climbed out of the shower, a smile on his face. He had never felt better.

Tara had been amazing. If he thought having her would sate him, he was wrong. He only wanted her more.

Jax wrapped a towel around his waist before moving to the bedroom where Tara was getting ready for the wedding. She was sitting in her strapless bra and a slip, rubbing lotion into her soft, pale skin. Jax walked up behind her and kissed the back of her head saying, "I really don't want to go to this wedding."

Tara turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck. "What do you want to do instead, Mr. Teller?"

Jax pinched her butt playfully causing her to squeak in surprise and he smiled and leaned forward, "I think you know."

Tara blushed and Jax leaned forward, kissing Tara deeply.

"Mommy!"

Jax pulled away as Abel ran into the room, his arms outstretched for Tara who immediately bent to pick him up.

"Hi, baby," she cooed, kissing his forehead as he tangled his hands in her hair. Jax smiled as she sat on the bed with him and said, "Elyda is going to come over. She wants to hang out with you and Thomas and watch Cars."

Abel babbled excitedly as Jax slid boxers over his hips, under the towel.

A loud screech from the nursery let Tara and Jax know Thomas had woken up and Jax said, "I got him."

He went to the nursery and picked him up, shushing him as he walked to the kitchen to grab him a bottle.

As he waited for it to warm, Jax walked back to the bedroom to change Thomas. He quickly cleaned Thomas up before heading back into the bedroom and setting him on the bed next to Abel, who was playing with Tara's phone as she got ready.

She was now in a blue dress, which was obviously Lyla's pick. It was short, tight, and strapless. She looked beautiful, but more revealing than he was used to seeing.

She was putting makeup on and Jax watched her as she smiled at him in the mirror's reflection.

"You should be getting ready, baby," she said as she brushed mascara on her eyelashes.

He sighed and Thomas crawled over to him and Jax remembered the bottle.

Jax jogged to the kitchen, grabbing the bottle before heading back in and settling down with Thomas once more.

"Lyla needs me to leave a little earlier than I had planned," Tara murmured as she pinned her hair back.

"I can hurry and drive you," Jax offered.

"No, I need you to stay here until Elyda can make it. I called Koz. He can drive me out there," Tara said, looking herself over in the mirror.

"You look gorgeous, babe," Jax said.

Tara smiled and said, "Thank you."

Jax didn't like that they wouldn't be arriving to the wedding together, but Lyla was the bride and Opie's future wife.

Tara turned back to the closet and Jax looked at her in confusion as she slid the zipper down and pulled the dress off.

"Why are you changing?" Jax asked.

"I can't wear this on the back of Kozik's bike," she said, slipping her jeans on and a tank top.

Jax was silent, seeing red as he thought about her riding up to a wedding on another man's bike.

"No, Kozik can drive your car," Jax said firmly.

Tara turned to him and was about to say something but was interrupted by a motor revving in the driveway. Tara turned towards the door and Jax said sternly, "Tara!"

"Jax, he is just giving me a ride, it's fine," Tara said, packing up her dress and heels.

"Why can't you guys drive?" he asked, his jaw tense.

"My car is at the club. Remember?" she asked, trying to reason with him. Jax was scrambling for a solution, but there wasn't one.

"Come on, Jax," Tara said, dropping her bag on the floor and walking up to him.

She cupped his cheeks and said, "It's just a ride. What is this?"

Jax sighed and said, "It means something...riding on someone else's bike."

"What?" she asked in amused skepticism.

"It does, trust me," Jax said, wrapping his arms around her.

"No it doesn't," Tara said chuckling, "To me it means absolutely nothing more than a ride. And not only that, but you have given plenty of rides to girls who aren't me."

Jax scowled and Tara chuckled, grabbing his chin and kissing him on the lips.

"See you at the wedding," she said with a smile, "I will be the one _next _to the one wearing white."

Jax chuckled and picked up Thomas and followed Tara to the front of the house where Kozik was waiting. He nodded once to Jax and then extended a helmet to Tara. Tara quickly let her hair down so the helmet would fit over her hair. It fell in soft, brown waves down her back.

Abel skipped up to the motorcycle, waving at Kozik in excitement. Did everyone in his family love this guy more than Jax?

"Baby, go back over to Daddy. And behave with Elyda tonight," Tara said kicking her leg over the back of the bike like a pro and straddling it. Jax noted that while she was close, she kept a distance between Kozik and herself out of respect for Jax.

Jax walked up to them and picked Abel up with his other arm and then leaned forward and kissed Tara lightly, then whispered, "See you there, baby."

She smiled up at him and Kozik revved the engine, letting Tara know she needed to grab on or go flying off the back.

She rested her hands on his hips and Jax clenched his teeth, but gave her a small smile as Kozik drove off with his girl on the back of his bike. That wasn't happening again. Jax would never let another man carry his old lady.

Jax led the boys back in the house and they once again settled on his and Tara's bed as he finished getting ready. He quickly shaved and made sure he looked nice enough for the Samcro event.

Tonight was a big night, and not just for Opie. He was getting revenge on the Russians, obliterating their hold in Charming. And then they were going to take their guns and sell them so Jax could buy his way out of Samcro and Charming.

**Thanks for reading. Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everybody! I hope you have all been enjoying your hump day!**

**I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to read my story and especially those of you who have given such stellar feedback. You rock!**

**Anyway, enjoy and please let me know how you think it's going…**

I've Got Time

Chapter 10

Tara

Tara danced all night. She was having so much fun, even though Jax had disappeared for a good portion of the night. Tara danced with Unsur, Gemma, Lyla and her...coworkers. That was the nice way to describe them.

She danced with Opie, Clay, Bobby, Tig, Kozik. The only person she hadn't danced with was Jax. She didn't blame him though. He had always hated dancing, even though he wasn't a bad dancer.

The night was winding down and party goers who weren't that close to the bride and groom took off, leaving only those closest to them and the club.

Tara took a break from dancing and went to the bar and got a glass of water as she fanned herself off. It had been a good night. Even though she worried about Lyla and Opie succeeding as a couple, it had been a good wedding for them.

"Tara?"

Tara turned to see Kozik behind her with a weary smile on his face and she smiled at him. She had guessed that when Jax, Kozik and the rest of the main crew disappeared they had been up to something. She just didn't want to think about it. Not when she had been having such a good night and Kozik was leaving soon.

"Wanna dance?" he asked as a slow song came over the speakers.

Tara smiled and nodded, setting her glass down. Tonight was the last night Kozik would be in town. He was leaving tomorrow. Maybe tonight.

She wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head against his shoulder as he held her close, swaying gently to the music.

"There's so much I want to say to you," he whispered in a low voice in her ear.

She looked up at him and said, "I know."

"I...I just can't," he said, his voice breaking slightly.

Tara felt her eyes tear up and she nodded and squeezed him tighter.

"I know," she said, hoping he understood. Tara knew how he felt. And why he was leaving. And she hated that she couldn't tell him she loved him like that. Not when she loved Jax the way she did. Unconditionally and unequivocally.

He buried his face in her neck and she hugged him to her as they swayed to the music and Tara rubbed his back, hoping she could heal some of the pain she had caused him.

When the song ended, she pulled back and said, "I don't know what I would have done without you this past year," she said truthfully, hoping he could see how deeply her gratitude ran.

He nodded and said, "I will always be there for you."

And Tara knew he meant it.

"Even if it means having to teach me fly fishing?" she asked, cracking a smile.

"In order to fly fish you have to be quiet so you don't scare the fish away and since you can't shut up...," Kozik said, chuckling, causing Tara to smack him and laugh back.

Tara stepped back from him and said, "You are leaving in the morning?"

He nodded and said, "I have to go handle some things that will take me until then, so I better get going."

Tara nodded and said, "Okay."

He reached for her and gave her one more hug and whispered, "Stay safe Tara. And trust your instincts."

She nodded and he was then walking away from her, leaving her at the edge of the dance floor.

Tara stared after him as he faded from the party lights and she couldn't see him anymore.

Tara turned towards the bar again, needing something stronger than water when someone grabbed her hand.

She spun and there was Jax, giving her a curious look and she reached for him, hugging him tightly.

"Hey," he murmured, hugging her back bemused, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, even though she just watched her friend walk away. And she didn't know when or if he would be back.

Jax pulled back and studied her for a few minutes and then said, "Let's dance."

She looked up at him in surprise and said, "Really?"

He nodded and smiled, pulling her towards the dance floor where a few other couples sway to soft music.

Jax hugged her to him tightly and swayed to the music, rubbing her exposed back lightly as they danced. She inhaled the smell of his body wash and delighted in the tingles that ran through her body with each caress of his fingertips.

He softly sang the lyrics to _What a Wonderful World_ in her ear and it felt like everything else fell away. In his arms, Tara knew that _this _was what she could never have with anyone else. This..._magic_ she felt with Jax when she was with him.

Tara held Jax tightly, the man she had loved since he was a boy. Despite all that had changed in him and in her, she still loved him. That meant something. And she had to believe she was making the right decision.

Jax rested his chin on top of her head, and she nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

"This is nice," she whispered, smiling as she felt him grip her a little tighter.

"Yeah," he whispered, "It's good to be home."

Tara and Jax finished their dance and Tara asked, "Can we go soon?"

Jax looked down at her and sighed in disappointment, "I can't tonight, babe. I got some things to tie up for-"

"The club," she finished knowingly, stepping away from him. She should have known since Kozik told her he would be busy until he left in the morning. Obviously Jax would be helping with the same thing.

Jax leveled her with an apologetic looked and she nodded and said, "I get it. I will go relieve Gemma." Gemma had left the reception early to relieve Elyda for the night.

Jax nodded and pulled her towards him and kissed her forehead, "I love you Tara."

Tara smiled and angled her face to his for a kiss. He smiled at her, amused and kissed her softly, gripping the back of her neck to hold her in place as he explored her mouth with his.

Tara felt the butterflies, smiling into the kiss when Clay appeared beside them and said, "Son, we need to finish it."

Jax nodded and said, "'Kay."

Clay glanced between them and Tara shivered. She hadn't been able to look at Clay the same way since she read the letters. She still was at war with herself about whether or not she was going to tell Jax about them. It would cause him so much pain. And anger.

Jax turned back to Tara as Clay walked off and said, "I will see you at home tonight."

_Not my home,_ she thought mentally, but decided not to say it.

She nodded and he kissed her forehead before walking off.

Tara made her way back to bar, asking for a glass of wine. She gulped it down, ready for tonight to be over. As she set the glass down on the bar, prepared to leave, she heard heavy footsteps behind her.

She turned and spotted a young man with a prospect's cut on.

"Jax asked me to take you home when you are ready," he said.

Tara nodded and said, "That would be now. Let me just go say goodbye to the bride."

As Tara began to walk towards Lyla to say goodbye, she stopped and kicked her shoes off. Her feet were so sore from all the dancing. Tonight, she just wanted to crawl into bed and snuggle with her two boys.

Jax

It was almost five in the morning when he pulled into his driveway. They had reconvened at the clubhouse after a long night of securing the guns and getting the dead Russians in Charming Heights.

He trudged through the front door, exhausted. He just wanted to fall into bed next to Tara.

He stripped as he walked down the hall, leaving his gun and his cut on the floor. As he peeled off his shirts, he went to his room and spotted Tara in the bed, sleeping with two little bundles curled into her side.

Jax smiled, climbing in and falling asleep almost immediately.

He woke to an empty bed, frowning.

He heard faint sounds from the living room or kitchen. He glanced at the clock. It was only a few hours since he had fallen asleep. Tara must be getting ready to go into work.

Even though his muscles protested it, Jax rolled out of bed, still anxious to see Tara and the boys. Part of him still felt like he was in prison. Like he would wake up to Bobby shaking him out of a nightmare.

Jax walked into the kitchen to his family. Abel ate his cheerios out of a bowl and Thomas sucked on a bottle as Tara sat and skimmed the newspaper.

"Morning, baby," he grumbled groggily.

Tara looked up in surprise and said, "Morning. I didn't think you would be up so early. Did we wake you?"

He shook his head and bent over her pecking her lips softly before heading to the fridge and pouring himself some orange juice.

"Gemma should be here soon to watch the boys until Elyda can get here," Tara said, sipping her coffee and closing the newspaper, "She needs to give me a ride to my car first."

"I can do that," Jax said, rubbing his eyes.

"You sure?" she asked, "You aren't going back to bed?"

"No rest for the wicked," he said, smirking as he leaned against the counter.

Tara smiled and something over his shoulder caught her attention.

He followed her gaze to the TV that sat on the counter displaying the morning news.

_**Four Bodies Discovered in Charming Heights Development **_ran along the bottom of the screen along with a picture of the scene.

Jax looked back to Tara and she was looking at him with worry and concern.

"Were you involved?" she asked, holding his gaze to see if he lied. He would never lie to her.

"How much do you want to know?" he asked softly, holding her gaze to let her know he wasn't going to hide from her.

She looked down at Abel and then Thomas before she clicked off the TV and said, "All of it."

"It was retaliation for what happened to me in prison," Jax explained, "It was the Russians-"

They were interrupted by the front door opening and Gemma walking in and greeting them.

Gemma grabbed a cup of coffee and settled down at the table and asked, "What time did you get in last night?"

"Early this morning," Jax answered, knowing she was checking to see if the times Clay came in matched with her son's.

"You catching up on sleep?" she asked Jax, motherly concern on her face.

He shook his head and said, "I am going to get ready and run Tara to the clubhouse really quick."

Gemma nodded and said, "Okay. Well I will see you around the garage later."

Jax nodded and stood, heading to get some clothes on to drive Tara. He knew his mom would be more than willing to drive her, but he felt like since he had been home, he hadn't had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with his old lady.

Jax was slipping his cut on, followed by his sweatshirt when Tara stopped in and asked, "Is it okay if we swing by my place before the garage. I don't have my ID badge for the hospital."

He nodded and said, "Sure."

Tara nodded and smiled walking out of the bedroom with Jax on her heels.

"Bye babies," Tara called out to the boys.

Abel waved and Thomas just banged his sippy cup against the tray of his high chair.

Jax climbed on his bike, securing his helmet and making sure Tara's was on before pulling out of the drive.

"Ready?" he called out before accelerating.

She squeezed her arms around him to let him know she was and he sped off towards her house. He smiled as he rode, feeling Tara rest her cheek against his back.

He drove the speed limit, wanting to prolong this time with her. He missed her so if all he could have was this between the crazy, hectic moments of their lives, he would prolong it.

Jax pulled onto her street and frowned as he pulled up to her house.

"What's Kozik doing here?" he asked, recognizing his old bike.

Tara looked at the bike in confusion and disbelief. She clearly knew something Jax didn't.

She climbed off the bike and walked towards it, feeling around the bike until she pulled the keys from the rear wheel cover.

"He didn't leave today?" Tara asked in confusion, looking to Jax for an explanation.

Jax shrugged and said, "As far as I know he left."

Tara looked back down at the bike as if it was a puzzle she couldn't figure out when something caught his eye.

"Tara," Jax said, climbing off the bike.

She followed his gaze to the note stuck to her door and she bolted towards it.

Jax looked to her and then back at the bike and asked, "What does it say?"

Tara wiped her eyes as she looked back at the bike in disbelief.

"Tara," Jax said, reaching for the note, but she held it close to her and said, "It's mine. Kozik gave me the bike."

"What?" Jax asked in disbelief. That was a nice, vintage bike. Valuable even. One he knew Kozik had emotional connection to since it originally belonged to Herman Kozik Sr.

Tara walked towards it and lovingly ran her hand along the handlebar.

"What the hell Tara?" Jax asked tensely.

One the seat was a helmet that matched the smoke detailed on the body of the bike. Folded under it was a leather jacket. Tara unfolded the jacket and Jax could see the quality in the factory worn leather.

It was black leather, biker cut leather jacket with beautiful cut-out detailing on the back and the sleeves to let the jacket breath. Tara lovingly stroked the leather and something about the action caused Jax to snap.

He walked forward and snatched the note from her hands, needing to see what motivated a man to give Tara a motorcycle.

_For all the words I couldn't say...Be safe and remember, this bike is meant to be ridden. -Koz_

Jax reread the two sentences, but focused on the first... "_For all the words I couldn't say"_. What the hell did that mean?

Tara snatched the note back in annoyance and Jax asked, "What does he mean?"

Tara looked back down at the note and in a small, sad voice said, "He is my friend."

"_Just_ a friend?" Jax asked, aware there was an edge to his voice.

Tara looked up at him and said in a weary voice, "Jax…"

"Tell me," Jax spit out angrily.

"Nothing has happened," Tara said, "We are friends."

Jax seethed, his thoughts racing through his sleep deprived brain. He had a headache now.

"You don't even ride," Jax observed, "Why would he give this to you?"

Tara was silent a minute and Jax knew she didn't want to tell him. Finally she said, "He taught me."

"He what?!" Jax asked in disbelief.

"I told him I wanted to learn, but that you never had gotten around to it," Tara said as if it was the most innocent thing in the world.

"So he taught you?" Jax asked angrily.

"Yes," Tara said, now equally angry, "My life went on Jax when I was inside. I couldn't sit around and mope because you were locked up. I was miserable, but Gemma and Kozik...they were really there for me."

Jax was silent as he listened and he wondered what his mother knew about all this.

"I am not having an affair with your mother either, by the way," Tara said, smirking as she tried to lighten the mood.

"Tara, this is serious," Jax said, still feeling rage and insecurity burn through him.

Tara led Jax over to the front step of her house and sat down, pulling him down next to her. He had gotten comfortable with her being back at her old house, but now...now his head was spinning about all of it.

"Okay," Tara said, "Explain it to me."

"This..._thing_ you have with Kozik-"

"Jax, for God's sake, it isn't a _thing_! We are _friends_! How many times do I have to say it?" Tara asked, annoyed.

Jax continued as if she hadn't said anything. He needed to get this out or it would eat him up. "I know you didn't sleep with him, but it still feels like he has come between us," Jax said, struggling for the words.

Tara shook her head and said, "It's not Jax. Not if you let it."

Jax studied her face and then Tara said, "Honesty. We promised each other."

Jax sighed and said, "I know this will sound stupid and hypocritical, but it feels like you are having an affair…_emotionally_. With Kozik."

Tara gaped at him and he said, "I know. But it's how...it's what it seems like to me. There is a distance between us."

"Jax...I...I have to have friends. The majority of people we hang around are men. The women we hang around are all trying to get in your pants, so it's hard for me to befriend them. I am not having an _emotional _affair on you," Tara said, her voice still shocked at the accusation.

"Yeah, but," Jax said, "You rode on his bike."

Tara rubbed her face in frustration, but Jax knew that Tara knew what that meant.

"I am sorry, okay?" Tara said, "I didn't mean to...disrespect you by doing that. It won't happen again."

_Damn right it won't_, Jax thought to himself.

Tara and Jax sat in silence for a few minutes and Tara said, "Things are changing Jax. You know they have to."

Jax sighed and nodded.

"It's not a bad thing. I think a lot of it will be for the best," Tara said.

Jax looked at all the changes. Tara moving into her own place. Tara's growing independence. Tara's insistence that they not be so dependent on each other...it didn't feel right. It felt like they were moving apart instead of together.

"I don't want to lose you," he admitted quietly.

"You won't," Tara said, taking his hand and squeezing it in her own.

"It feels like it," Jax murmured, "I can't lose you Tara. I won't have anything else."

Tara pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him and said, "You will always have me."

Jax sighed in relief, holding her tightly to him until he was ready to let go.

"I should get to work," Tara said. He nodded and she stood, to get her badge and Jax waited on the stoop, looking at the bike.

As he looked at it, somewhere deep inside he knew. Kozik loved his old lady. What else could he have meant? What else could the bike say to Tara? Love. That was all it could mean.

Jax lit a cigarette as he listened to Tara run around the house, getting ready for work.

He knew he couldn't stop Tara from keeping the bike, or even riding it. Jax could only imagine the fight she would put up. But what he could do was ban Kozik from this area. If that fucker came back to Charming and tried shit with Tara, Jax wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

**So thoughts? Did Kozik cross a line? Did Tara? Let me know what you all think. And let me know what you all think about updating on different days like I have been. Feedback is much appreciated! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everyone! So many of you are worried that Kozik is gone for good. He is on the show, but definitely not in this story, so stay tuned. **

**I hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading and keep up the amazing feedback.**

I've Got Time

Chapter 11

Tara

Tara woke up to a light knocking on her front door. She glanced at the clock, confused. She had been sound asleep. It was a little after one in the morning.

Tara rolled out of bed, grabbed her cell phone and crept towards the door. As she passed the boys' room, where they were both soundly sleeping, she closed the door.

Tara moved to the front door and peeked out the peephole to see Jax on the other side of it.

She sighed in relief and opened the door.

"What are you doing here so late?" Tara asked groggily, waving him in.

"I didn't know you were staying here tonight," Jax said, his tone off. Tara knew that Jax wasn't used to her having this place and actually using it. But on nights when he was not at his house, she preferred to stay in her home.

"I left you a text message," she explained, " When you sent me one saying it would be an all nighter with the club."

Jax sighed and said, "Plans change. Can I crash here?"

Tara nodded and said, "Did you eat?"

Jax nodded and said, "Gemma cooked at the clubhouse."

Tara nodded and said, "Both boys are asleep, but you can go check on them if you want."

Jax nodded and headed off in search of the boys. Tara turned off all the lights and locked the doors before following him.

"You tore out the wall in your old room?" Jax asked as he came out of their nursery.

She nodded and said, "I did. I didn't really have any use for that second hall closet. It just made sense."

Jax nodded and said, "This place sure looks different. It looks nice."

Tara nodded and said, "That was the point."

Jax seemed to consider her words, but decided against saying anything and pulled her towards the master bedroom. Tara crawled in bed, Jax climbing in behind her once he shed all his clothes. Tara sighed as she felt him wrap her up in his arms.

He nuzzled the back of her neck, trailing his lips against her and slipped his hand under her shirt, his fingers caressing the skin of her stomach.

Tara rolled in his arms, and cupped his face, her thumbs lightly brushing against his cheeks. "Everything okay, baby?"

Jax smiled softly and said, "Yeah. Why?"

"The past two weeks, since you have been home...you have been so tense. Distant. I am worried," Tara whispered softly, "I love you. Please talk to me."

Jax studied her face and said, "Remember when I told you I wanted to get out?"

Tara nodded, relieved he was the one bringing it up.

"I still want that," Jax said, "Since I have been home...since prison, I realize that you being with me is no accident. I know that sounds crazy, but I think that you were put into my life to get me out fifteen years ago, and now...I missed my chance the first time, Tara, I won't again."

Tara felt that traitorous hope swell in her heart. He may mean the things he said, even believe them, but Gemma and Clay would never let him leave even if he did find a way out.

"I'm done with Samcro," he whispered, and even in the dark of her bedroom she saw that he was serious...and scared. What was happening that caused Jax to be afraid? He wasn't afraid of anything.

Jax must have seen her disbelief, because he said, "We both know that if I stay, I wind up back in prison, or dead."

"You say that now because you just got out, Jax," Tara responded sadly, resting her hand on his chest, the other on his cheek.

Jax was silent and then rolled them so that he was hovering over her slightly, looking down into her face.

"What I love about Samcro was the bond of love and brotherhood that held it together. It isn't there anymore. We lost that. Now it's about fear and greed," Jax said, telling Tara things she already saw in the thing Jax loved so much. So much he would do anything he could to protect it.

Tara remained silent, biting back her thoughts as she broke eye contact and looked down and he said, "I have a plan."

Tara raised her eyes to meet his, hoping to see what this plan might entail.

"More guns?" she asked.

He nodded, but she could tell there was something he was holding back.

"Doesn't more guns mean more risks?" Tara asked, running her fingers lightly up his chest, stroking his collarbone.

Jax sighed in pleasure as his skin quivered under her skin as it goosebumped. She smiled at him and he slipped a hand beneath the sheet and grabbed her hip, gently pulling her closer to him.

"We got a good thing going with the Irish," Jax said, "It's smart."

Tara considered his words and there was silence and Jax rubbed small circles on her hip, his fingers occasionally running along the elastic bands of her pajama bottoms and underwear.

"I just got to make enough bank," Jax whispered, leaning forward and brushing his lips against hers. Tara knew what he was doing...he was trying to distract her.

And it was working.

Jax slipped his fingers inside her panties and all thoughts of guns and the Club flew out of her head.

"I am getting out, Tara," Jax whispered against her neck as he slid Tara's shorts over her hips and down her ass, "I'm going to finish up with Samcro, and then we are going to take our boys and get the hell out of here. Start fresh somewhere."

Tara shuddered against Jax as he rubbed the slightly rough pads of his fingers against her clit. The contrast of his roughened skin against her sensitive flesh was delicious. He rolled them so he was hovering over her and Tara clutched onto him, running her hands through his hair as he continued to arouse her with his fingers.

She groaned against his neck as she kissed along his carotid, feeling his pulse race beneath his skin.

"I want you," she groaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist and ground against his hand. He nodded and pushed the front of his boxers down and guided his cock to her entrance.

"Tara," he whispered in a labored tone, "Look at me."

Tara opened her eyes and looked up to him and as he eased into her he said, "I am getting us out. I promise."

Tara nodded, biting her bottom lip as he slowly began thrusting in and out of her. She wrapped her bent her knees higher on his sides and arched against him.

Tara clung to Jax desperately and his grip tightened on her hip as he thrust harder into her, hitting that spot in her that made lights flash behind her eyes.

Tara's fingers curled into his hair as he rested his forehead against hers and groaned, "Fuck, Tara."

Tara nodded in agreement, but she was breathing so erratically that she couldn't voice how good he was making her feel. Jax rolled them again so Tara was on top and she sat up and began to ride him slowly. Jax grabbed her hands and entwined their fingers, his eyes hooded as he looked up at her through hooded eyelids.

Tara squeezed his hands and he smiled and whispered, "I love you so much, babe."

Tara leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his lips and said, "I love you too."

Tara rode him until she felt the pressure build in her stomach, knowing any minute she was going to come. Jax sat up kissing along her neck until his mouth found the spot behind her ear.

"Come on Tara, let go," he said, his voice tight. She knew he was waiting for her and with a few more thrusts and Jax's fingers slipping between them, she came, letting the coil in her go haywire.

She groaned as her body tensed up, letting the pleasure course through her body. And when her body finally relaxed, Jax was groaning underneath her, shuddering as he came inside her, coating her.

Tara flopped on Jax, exhausted and sated. She felt the tingles all over her body as her muscles celebrated their lovemaking.

"That was incredible," Tara whispered as she yawned. She repositioned herself so she wasn't lying on top of him, but snuggled into his side. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head and brushing his hand up and down her back.

"Tara," he whispered after a few moments of silence.

"Hmm," she hummed sleepily, already half asleep.

"We should get married," Jax whispered.

Tara's eyes snapped open in shock. Well that had woken her up.

Jax

Jax wished he could see Tara's face right now, because his statement caused her to not move...or breathe, judging by the lack of puffs across his chest that had been there moments before.

"Tara?" he asked, rolling so he was hovering over her again.

She was shocked. He wrinkled his brow in confusion, wondering why this was a surprise. They had two kids together. He had proposed when he was a teen.

"Are you…" Tara asked, looking up at him confused.

Jax nodded and said, "I love you. We have a beautiful family together. It's the only thing left."

Tara was silent for a few minutes, and Jax was starting to panic. Didn't she want to get married?

"You want that?" Tara asked skeptically.

Jax nodded and said, "Of course I do. I have loved you since I was sixteen years old. You've given me a beautiful son, taken Abel on as your own. You stayed," he said simply, referencing his time in jail after he cheated on her, "When most wouldn't."

Tara looked almost afraid of what he was saying, even though he was telling her how much he loved her and wanted to marry her.

Jax rolled to the side of the bed and grabbed his cut, pulling out the ring his mother had picked up for him.

"I wasn't going to do this now.I was going to wait, take you somewhere, the whole thing," Jax murmured, holding the ring between his thumb and forefinger, "But I love you so much. And I can't wait."

Tara's eyes had been on his the whole time, but she glanced at the ring and covered her mouth with her hand.

"It's beautiful," she murmured, her voice thick with emotion.

"It's yours," Jax whispered and Tara looked back up at him, studying him.

Tara looked back at the ring and reached for it, but Jax held on and reached for her left finger. He slipped it on her ring finger then lifted it to his lips and kissed it.

"So you will? You'll marry me?" he asked, smiling at her nervously.

Tara smiled and nodded and the happiness Jax felt surged through him. He cupped her cheeks and pulled her face to his and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. She kissed him back, running her fingers through his short hair.

Just as they were getting hot and heavy again, Thomas wailed from his room and Jax pulled back and sighed in frustration.

"I'll get him," Jax whispered against her lips and she kissed him once more before releasing him.

Jax pulled his boxers on and walked towards Thomas' room and picked up the crying baby. He cooed to him and as he walked back to his and Tara's bedroom.

He was surprised to see Tara was up, with a little robe on, and Abel curled into her side sleepily rubbing his eyes as he looked to Thomas and Jax. Thomas must have woken him up too.

"This isn't going to work, you know," he said with a small smile on his face as he gestured to both sleeping boys. He climbed in bed with Thomas cradled in his arms.

"I love when they climb in bed with us," Tara said, smiling softly as Jax handed her Thomas to breastfeed.

Tara rearranged herself so Abel, who was now sleeping, was curled on his side, and Thomas was suckling soflty from her. Jax watched in fascination at the picture they made. It was such a moving sight as Tara smiled down at Thomas who was already falling asleep against her.

She looked up at him and smiled gently and said, "I can't believe we are getting married."

Jax smiled as he curled onto his side next to Abel and watched sleepily as Tara wiped Thomas' mouth and lightly burped him.

"Does our engagement mean you will move into my house?" Jax asked, yawning.

Tara shot him a look and said, "One day at a time Teller."

Jax smiled and Tara handed Thomas over to Jax who arranged their son against him as Tara covered herself and snuggled next to Abel.

Jax didn't know when they fell asleep, but he was woke to Abel poking him in the face, and then giggling. Jax reached a hand up and tickled him until Abel fell over laughing. It was then that Jax realized Tara wasn't in bed with them and neither was Thomas.

"Where's Mommy?" Jax asked Abel.

"Making breakfast," Abel answered.

"Is she making waffles?" Jax asked, smirking at Abel.

Abel nodded and Jax said, "What are we waiting for then? Come on little man."

Jax picked up Abel carried him to the kitchen, tickling him as he desperately tried to squirm out of Jax's grasp.

When they entered the kitchen Tara stood at the waffle maker, making waffles as Thomas sat in his high chair sucking on a bottle.

"Morning," Jax said, walking up behind Tara, putting his hands on her hips. She continued with the waffles, but leaned back against him. Jax kissed the back of her her head and spotted her bare finger.

"Where's your ring?" Jax asked.

"I think we should wait to tell people," Tara said hesitantly, glancing at him briefly over her shoulder.

Jax nodded and said, "Sure. Whatever you want." Even though he didn't understand why she didn't want people knowing yet.

Jax sat at the table, kissing Thomas on top of the head and Tara turned and put a waffle in front of him.

"Abel, I told you that you need to eat your banana if you want a waffle," Tara said, and Jax shot Abel a look. When Tara turned back to the waffle maker, Jax took a piece of his waffle and gave it to Abel who smiled up at him.

"Now listen to your mom and eat your banana," Jax said, scooping some waffle into his own mouth.

Tara sat down across from him, wiping Thomas's hands which were smeared with baby food that Tara was trying to ease into his diet.

Jax said, "When do you want to get married?"

Tara looked up and shrugged and said, "No rush. We just had Opie's wedding. I don't want to take Lyla's thunder."

Jax nodded and thought that it was a good idea to wait. He wanted to marry Tara, but he didn't want it in the midst of all the craziness with the cartel. Which Tara didn't know about.

Jax was about to say something when he heard his phone ring from Tara's back bedroom. He stood and jogged towards her room and grabbed his phone out of his pants' pocket.

"Hey Clay," Jax answered, slipping his jeans on quickly.

"Hey where are you? We are at your house?" Clay said into the phone, but Jax clearly heard Gemma talking in the background.

"I'm at Tara's," Jax said.

"Tara's?" Clay asked, "What are you doing over there?"

"Long story," Jax said, wanting to keep club business away from his family.

"Whatever, get back to the clubhouse," Clay said, "We have the meet with Alvarez."

Jax hung up the phone and walked back to the kitchen fully dressed now.

"You're leaving?" Tara asked, looking to his unfinished waffle.

"Got to," Jax said, "Clay needs me."

Tara nodded and said, "Be careful."

He walked over to her and kissed her softly and said, "I will...wife."

"Not yet," Tara said, smirking.

"Soon," Jax promised, kissing both boys on the head and walking out of the kitchen.

Tara

Tara wasn't surprised when Gemma showed up at their house shortly after Jax left. She loved Thomas and Abel and loved her role that she played as their primary caretaker while Tara was at work.

Tara was cleaning up the breakfast mess when Gemma appeared at her door. Tara waved her in and offered her a cup of coffee. She was nervous because today Tara was telling Gemma she had decided to place the boys in day care starting next week. She had read that children benefited from day care and public school socially.

Abel and Thomas would suffer from an insular society growing up in the Sons community already. It would be good for them to have something normal.

Gemma wouldn't take this news well.

"You wanna tell me something?" Gemma asked, eyeing her.

Tara looked at her and said, "Jax tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Gemma said, her expression turning nervous.

"About the daycare?" Tara said.

"Daycare?" Gemma said, completely surprised.

"Yeah," Tara said, drawing the word out confused, "What were you talking about?"

Gemma was silent, then reached for her purse and dug around in it for a second. A second later she drew out a slip of paper that made Tara's stomach drop. Tara recognized it..._shit_!

"This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books," Gemma said, handing Tara the paper. Tara looked at the little note Maureen Ashby had written explaining the parcel of letters that she had slipped into Jax's bag over a year ago.

Tara crossed her arms, remaining silent and giving nothing away.

"I don't know what this is," Tara said hand the note back to her, but Gemma could tell she was lying.

Gemma looked down at the note and then to Tara and said, "Whatever this is, it could stir up a lot of painful shit."

Tara once more remained silent, not saying anything. With Gemma, she needed to tread carefully. Very carefully.

Gemma and Tara stared each other down until Gemma finally stood and said, "Okay."

Tara knew though it wasn't okay. It wouldn't be okay until Gemma knew about the letters and what they contained. But Tara couldn't let that happen. Those letters spelled out just how dangerous Clay and Gemma were.

Gemma began to walk out of the kitchen, but stopped in the door and asked, "What is this about daycare?"

Tara sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, realizing today was going to be a long day. Before she could launch into her reasoning for putting the boys in daycare, Gemma's phone rang.

"Yeah, I'm here with the doc," Gemma said, glancing at Tara as she rinsed out Gemma's coffee cup and placed it in the dishwasher.

"Sure I will bring her," Gemma said before hanging up the phone, "Come on, you're needed at the club. Gunshot wound."

Tara sighed and headed to the hall to grab her medical bag as Gemma got the boys ready.

**Please review! Thanks for reading everyone.**


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